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Sometimes I feel like I am the honorable mention,I am the nothing better to do,I am the rut youre stuck in,Just a temporary fix to you.Tried of feeling second class to the one that got away,Tried of feeling the best has passed, so with me you might as well stay.I am not made to be the center of the world, just the center to one.The communion I seek in life cannot be altered, changed, or undone.I think how can I feel safe?I wonder how I can be convinced?What can be the success rate of someone riding the fence?Sometimes I feel like I am the plan B,I am the nothing better to do,I am the rut youre stuck in,The might as well to you.
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I have been very busy with Guavaween, Our Genus Book Event for the most movie cameras and the Huge Halloween Weekend Bash at our Resort this weekend. www.NaturallyNude.com . I also Totally Rebuilt My Website - www.NaturallyNude.com and have been doing more video work you can see on my http://YouTube.com/XZanthiaDotCom Profile.
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Human, woman, white, hippie, gypsy, Rainbow, Rennie, Dirty Momma Funk Snuffapuffafukalotagus, Libertarian, Liberal, Gun Owner, Soulmate, Daughter, Mother, God-Mother, Sister, Cousin, friend, artist, home owner, General Manager, ex-girlfriend, future girlfriend, musician, citizen, constitutionalist, singer, poet, trash, legend, environmentalist, blogger, pedestrian, fortunate, clown, comedian, naturalist, humanist, deist, teacher, student, Christian, pagan, Buddhist, guru, trill seeker, adventurer, home body, Rainbo Hammock Tribe member, bitch, lover, counsel, counseled, free spirit, sinner, saint, diva, nudist, genius, idiot, educated, uneducated, beatnic, smoker, employee, employer, boss, maid, hostess, dancer, spinner, spunion, patriot, dyslexic, writer, reader, philosopher, exhibitionist, dreadie, victim, predator, rapper, traveler, passenger, sweetheart, do-it-herselfer, seamstress, personal assistant, finder of lost things, business professional, procrastinator........will add more later.I am each of these things to at least one or more persons.If anyone can add a label or give this whole thing a one word name...please feel free to do so.
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In masturbation my thoughts are lost,Jumping from scenes to seen,Sexuality streams from my mind,Altering from fantasies to heartaches and broken dreams.But I must digress,It is really sheer loneliness that I must confess.Each nocturnal session,Is plagued by more than just an erection.Sub-conscious mists of love and trust,Keeps driving me to overcome the call of meaningless lust.I reach deep into myself,While fighting off my spirits pain,The tears of my eyes and fountain of my pleasure,Both flow from my body like rain.To the souls that hold my psyche at night,With each touch I soar and my passion takes fight,Only to be ripped from my body with each morning light,Reminding me of love that has been torn from my sight.My spirit is not ready,But my body is over due,I set adrift the old sexual habits,To let in a reality that is more scared and true.I run from your connection,Still craving to see my reflection,In your body and your eyes.But it is for both of our protections,That I narrow my selections,To the ones that I will not wake-up and despise.What I have to give,Is all that I have ever lived.What I need to take,A respect that is not fake,A swim in your lake,And the unconditional love that we make.It's like a convulsion of my words,A passion that I must purge,A whisper that I groan,An unknown name my lips want to moan.It is in the cortex,That I am lost in this vortex,Of flashing pictures of erotic beams,Trying to catch my breath,It is nothing less than trying to find a way to scream.It is an admission of my ghost,That features my body as the host,In a war between my heart and mind.Suspended on the coast,Next to the ocean of the dosed,Not quite sure what I am trying to find.If I do what I always did,I'll get what I always got,It is a story that is deeply hid,It's time to change that broken plot.No longer will I seek what I sought,The fall into the sequel has to be fought,Turning down the fire that rages so hot,The mindless desire that has cast this lot.I was warned about the S.T.D.'s,The high price of the carnal fees,The turning tides of the sexual seas,The potential danger of the girl on her knees.They gave me a condom for my open legs,But there is an infection passed on by more than just semen,Where is the prophylactic for my open mind,Something to stop the S.T.Demon.Valuing myself at higher than zeroBecoming my own self-imposed hero,Keeping each suitor at bay,Discarding the idea let come what may,Waiting patently so that I might sail away,Staying in isolation until my completion day.It is a crushing load that I carryConfident that my state is temporary,Knowing that it is not until death,It is really and truly,The deep dark loneliness that I must confess.
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I am starting to show signs or fracture,While I sit waiting for my sister's rapture.Channeling so much light for so long,Holding it all together,Time letting the cancer do it's wrong,Praying for the suffering to end forever.I love being with her and I want to be near,I want to show her pure love and absorb her fear.Trying to stay high while the gravity gets me down,Smiling and laughing each time I twist and turn around.Then there's the whimpers and the moans of pain,Offering her doses of companionship, liquid comfort, and barely staying sane.She shouldn't have to pass in a house of death and sorrow,Even when her hours are numbered,And the tumors have taken her tomorrows.She must have a home of love and joy,Filled with her chosen family, friends, and her boys.Quick Jah, I need some super glue for my soul,Please Gaia, help stop the growth of this black hole.Krishna, I call you to help me through another day,Jesus, I need you to help me find my way.Shiva, step in and get me through one more night,Ganesh, see me through to shine more light.Jehovah, I call on you to dwell here,Om, help harmonize me with the ones so dear.Wonka Tonka, I call on you to send my spirit guide,Allah, in your peace I do confide.Buddha, posses this human being,And if I lose it, God, please stop the other mortals from seeing.
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Many ask me to guide,In peace they believe I reside,My deepest truth to you I will confide,This is the only real advice I have inside.Remove the veil from your eyes,Give up the common daily lies,Don't judge or grow to despise,Don't create your own demise.Find your true strength from within,To not cherish you is a sin,You have made and will make mistakes again,To not try, is a guarantee to not win.Open your heart and open your mind,Be gentle, forgiving, and kind,Look for good and that's what you will find,Look for wrong and your story will only rewind.Let the last thought you think before sleep,Help grow the harvest you want to keep,Plant the love you want to reap,Tended to it often so that it may grow deep.Let the first thought you think when you wake,Be of a purity that you cannot fake,Give the love that you want to take,Be the friend that you want to make.
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Words flow, go, change, and grow,An expression that in the end,Lets you feel someone from the outside in.These words have rules,As some will try to say,Twist them, turn them, and flip them each and everyday,Outside of the regulations the feeling still stays.Let your ink fly like fire,Let each page of failure and success take you higher,Transforming your thoughts and your hearts desire,Use the perversion of the guidelines to inspire.
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In a psychology class my friend is taking the teacher told them about a way to hallucinate without lsd, mescaline, or mushrooms. He claims all you do is cut a ping pong ball in half tape them over your eyes and listen to static. I'm going to be trying this with a friend of mine tomorrow and I'll let you know the results. If anyone has done it feel free to share your experience. I may also try it while on marijuana to see if the results are greater. Thanks!
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We tend to become attached to people in life. When someone is "gone" we mourn them. When someone we love dies we have to accept that they are gone and be happy that they are moving on. If we have a deep understanding of the nature of the universe we know that we are all just passing through. We know that we are the ones who perceive their passing as a "loss", but they are on a beautiful new journey.Even with the deepest understanding we feel the pain of our loss. We mourn the times we shared, the feelings we created together, and every little nothing that made that person so special to us. We cannot help but mourn for the beauty that has passed, or the ties that have been broken. Don't be afraid to mourn, don't hold back the tears. But just know that the night, the winter, and the emptiness must come. For the night is the herald of a new days sun, the winter is the bearer of springs great renewal, and the emptiness is the canvas ,that without which, nothing could be created. We will do well to accept these things and keep our awareness within their grasp as long as they remain. Do not cheat your mind forward to the coming renewal, for to not appreciate the darkness for its natural place would be a travesty unto your own experience. Let the renewal come to you in its own impeccable time, and for your patience and wisdom will come the promise of unsurpassed beauty and joy.I write this having lost my deepest love. Not through tragedy or mortality, but through the nature of change. In this experience I am learning that we only mourn what we no longer have. When you cultivate a deep love for someone you may find yourself becoming attached to some of the qualities that you perceive to define that person. You may pledge yourself to that person for those qualities that allowed you to develop such a deep connection. If you remain true to yourself you will realize that attachment has no place in nature. Nature is forever changing and becoming new. To love someone unconditionally is to understand their potential and their right to change and become new. You must also be aware that the same applies to you. If you are changing and finding new directions, and they are changing and finding new directions, you must realize that you may just find it impossible to continue a relationship. It is no ones fault. However when we invest so much time, energy, and emotion into such a relationship we can tend to reinforce our attachment to the person that we perceive them to be.Sometimes two people change and grow in the same direction. When this happens the love and bond becomes stronger and deeper, however when two people grow apart, you must be honest with each other and yourself. You must know when to let the other go. If either person stays in the relationship just for the sake of the relationship, you will be holding yourself and your lover back and creating underlying resentments and discomfort.To accept this occurrence is to accept the loss of a relationship that is a very large part of your life. You may be gaining a new relationship with the same person, but it is inevitable to feel the pain of losing a love so deep.In this way my heart feels the pain of loss, but my mind acknowledges and appreciates the new friendship I have found. My greatest lesson is to head the warnings of attachment. The most glorious part of nature is that everything is always becoming forever new. Having that in mind, we would be wise to love and appreciate what we behold, but never expect it to remain what it is forever. Open your heart to the beauty of ever new creation and open your mind to the infinite possibilities of your individual experience.I may need some time away from as many things as I can for a little while. I also may like to keep interacting as per usual to keep myself sharp. I just want to put it out there so if I happen to dissapear for a little while you don't think I am abandoning anyone. Love to you all.
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