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Asking for help, support, advice or whatever else you have to offer.
My best friend/lover and I have decided to end our relationship and I am just truly heartbroken and feeling so empty. I know that time heals and all will be well in the end, but what have you all found has helped you reach that point without completely loosing it? It is really just so difficult because we are still madly in love and want it to work out, but he feels he needs to do some soul searching and cannot be my boyfriend while he has to focus so much on himself.
All I feel like doing is staying in bed and sleeping. I know I need to go out but it seems too much to handle. I could really use any helpful words or just support, because after spending all of my time with somebody for 3 years, not having them there is just uncomfortable and awful. I feel like I put my very being into this relationship and an integral part of myself is just gone now.
Also, all of our friends are mutual and not seeing him seems near impossible unless I become a hermit and never leave my room... but we even attend the same university.
Help?
remember, your one true soul mate is your inner being. its not easy to let go of someone who you have been with for so long, but time and love to yourself will heal all. Dont forget to love yourself completely, everything else will fall into place.
Steph and Angelmoth-
So sorry that I never got back to you on here. I took a bit of a break from the site, but I have returned! Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. It makes it much more bearable reading your lovely words. I truly hope you are both finding your troubles easier to deal with, and my heart goes out to you as well, Angelmoth! The smiles are a little more plentiful these days, but it is a slow process, and I'm just taking things slowly and as they come. Lots of love to you, thank you again!!
my darling bird
hope you're feeling a bit better. you know you always have friends here.
you need to take it easy girl. give that heart and mind of yours the time to heal. its understandable you wanna stay in bed all day long, but soon you will feelbetter, and then better and better.
im going through avery painful time inmy relationship right now, i know how you feel and my heart goes out to you.
its good you have your family there with you, and dont forget you have friends too who im sure want to be there to give you love and support.
we want to see a smile on your face
hugs and love to you
Aww this sounds horrible! But yes, it's strange how animals (especially dogs) seem to have some sort of intuition about when you are upset, they seem to come up beside you, look you in the eyes and just sit with you. When I went (and still slightly am) through a pretty difficultg time I immersed myself in music, usic that made me feel powerful and that I could empathise with, I found In Flames- Sense of Purpose album very helpful if you are into that sort of thing. Also I valued silence, and would often just sit with earplugs in or do my thing with them in because it gives you less to focus on and worry about...
Hope this helps and things are getting easier.
Thanks for a male perspective Erik and SE (I have started saying your same as southeast because of the abbreviation hehe. Soaring eagle is way cooler though).
I am going to try to focus on what i want to do... it sounds silly, but I have forgotten in the past 3 years what my hobbies are and what I enjoy doing in my own time. I do also have a very supportive family (who I am currently living with... unemployment rate in my city is one of the highest in the country. It's super duper shittay) and I always look to my animal friends for comfort. The night after we had our big issue, my recently deceased pup, Heidi actually visited me in my sleep and gave me a good dog cuddle.
Thanks for sharing, guys. It really does help!
oh dasmn i can totaly relate to how u feel
its devestating and u can lose it say things u dont mean do things out of desperation really screw things up if yoir not careful
so i goes u should give it space ..move on but not away hope things come back together but dont force it donmt depend on it either just step out of the way hope for the best and try to take care if what u need to be happy again..hugs
helloo, sad to year you are having a rough time. From the other gender's point of view, I actually went through the exact same almost two years ago when my lady of 4 years whom I had lived with let me go and moved away. It was a very *pardon me* shitty situation and I felt totally devastated for almost a year, nearly messed up my academics beyond repair, the works.They say time heals and that's totally true, but what took me a long time to learn, is it's what you do during that time, for yourself, I think, that makes the healing actually happen. I wasted too much of the aftermath beating myself up in all sorts of ways instead of making my way out of the gutter. Try to remember stuff you really liked from the earlier parts of your life, things in your past that made you happy, if you have a nice family then try to focus on them, if you have pets, or animals around you, it's nice to have companions that will listen, or just give silent comfort and company. Try not to feel bad about feeling bad, I think it's a part of learning to live with scars; those scars are war wounds and that part of you will be stronger in the end.anyway i hope you feel better, if things go well and you two find yourselves back together, indeed you will both have learned a great deal about yourselves, and if not, you will have made it through a very difficult journey and will be the wiser for it in any case
I really appreciate the responses, you two. I am so sorry to hear that you have had such difficult experiences, both of which in fact make my situation seem very mild. I cannot even imagine how I would be if my friend had treated me in similar ways. You are both very strong!!
I am very lucky in that my dude is an incredibly compassionate, intelligent and wonderful individual. I should specify that this is not a end of all ends breaking up and we are still amicable. There is no set in stone solution that we have reached, and at this point it seems to be a fairly 50/50 chance of eventually getting back together when we have learned more about our selves as individuals. Its just very hard knowing how to even function without somebody who seems such a part of you. We had such grand plans, and who knows, they may yet come to pass... the tricky part is allowing space for hope without expectation and further broken-ness.
Heartbreak is such an intense feeling, and I appreciate you telling me to really FEEL that pain, because it is important and seems such a part of the human condition.
You have both helped me, as it is healing just to hear what others have experienced and to know I am not alone in this sort of struggle... thank you again so much for sharing, and I am glad you two have been able to somewhat move on, and Taye, I hope so much that you are able to find a loving soul to restore your faith.
Enjoy your MLK day tomorrow (though I noticed, Maria, that you live in Serbia? If you are native, your english is beautiful!!).
Be well!
My heart aches for you. I went through the same thing. My big break up was 2 yrs ago last Oct. I am still not the same. I lived for yrs with him. I loved him very much. I thought we had the perfect relationship. We shared a house with his sister and her husband. His sister was my beloved friend. I spent yrs with his family as my family. I lost so much all at once. I lost him, my best friend, my family, my home even my dog. A month or so later we had a company shut down at work...we all got laid off. So at that time I even lost my job.
My Ex had just turned 30 years old and we had a family member die. He was having a hard time, having issues with her death and feeling that he was wasting his life needing to go to school or make some sort of life change. He told me he needed some time away, to clear his mind and to think. He moved in with his parents for a week or so.
I had just taken out a loan so we could buy a school bus.
It turned out that he really didn't need time to think. He needed time to make a transition. He started dating someone immediately. I was foolish to believe what he had said. It hurt me even worse.
He ended up taking the girl to see Phil at Madison Square...in the bus I was paying for. While I was waiting at home...he had told me he was coming over.
I had no one to talk to...our friends were mutual. But they knew what was going on and never told me. I felt as if my whole world was falling apart. I lost trust in everyone and everything. I didn't spend time with anyone. I didn't go anywhere.
Well it has been over 2 years...i still have not been in a relationship. I still have fear of putting faith into someone. I finally got the bus paid off (even though I never set foot in it). I still have those days that I stay in bed. His parents keep in contact, and so do some of "our" friends. I found out last week end that he was recently sentenced to 6 months in prison in Calif. and after will be extradited to Oregon for another charge. It makes me real sad that he made wrong decisions for his big life change.
what makes me mad and breaks my heart at the same time is that my heart still breaks and that he got over me so quickly.
ok enough of my sad memories...I have no words of wisdom to pass on, just want you to know that i understand what you are feeling right now.