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Amber 'Blob' Orpin

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Breaking writers block, hopefully

2012-10-04
By: Amber 'Blob' Orpin
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Free associate. Sometimes a writer's tendency toward perfectionism stops him dead cold in his tracks. Give yourself 15 minutes to be totally free of your "inner critic." Set a timer and start typing - write whatever pops into your head, even if it is total gibberish, a shopping list, words that rhyme - whatever. The idea is to get your creative juices flowing. Some writers do this exercise every day before they begin writing.

This is my 15 mins.

things have always been hard. i dont know or why i am like this nay more. is it possibly becasue of my dad dieing? or was all of this brought on by becoming a mother? this is the question that wont stop doing loops in my head. whould things be the same if he was still here? but i can never know thw awnser to this question. i just want to talk to him, it feels like everything would be easerer if i could talk to him, he had a way of if not always the thing i wanted to hear, this sucks, like really suckes, why do i have such a provblem dealing with all of this? recurring dreams of packing up all my things, moving away, not the 'main' part of the dream just in passing, i drempt of him the the other day he was just passing by i cant rememebr if he said anything but he was helping me mov things round to the van. i seem to be getting clocer to having everything packed. i have lost count how many dredreams i have had, i still need to pack all this up. why am i having such trouble packing this up? i need to go time is running out, how come everyone else is packed up, maybe they arnt packed up at all and like me just good at looking like i have it all under controll. it pissesm. it pisses me off that i cant get the awnswers i want, i would say need but. . . all the problems im having i cant put them anywhere. is it berevment? PND? depresstion, axziatea? i ahte how i feel at the moment, i dont want to shout and Kyra why do i keep doing that? i just want to talk to you, but i cant. and John why cant ti talk to you? you are trying so hard right now . why did you have to go. i want to scream i wanted to scream but i couldnt bacuse. i coulndt focus on you i had kyra to worry about. you should have been there to see me in hospital with kyra but you didnt come. i know you were exsited but you couldnt stay why did you have to go? im so confused. i dont unerstand, someone explanie it too me plase? i miss you i miss you i need you. im so confused, why do i have these thoughts? i wish they would leave. i dont need to see these things, why would i think thases things? why is so hard?

why why hwy is that all i can ask? where do i go to find these aswers? do i need space? time? i cant do what i want tod. i cant do what i want tot do. i want to be on my own be somewhere where no one knows me. i feel guilty for wanting this, how could i possibly do what i need with you two hwe. with you two here? i cant just run away but its all i can seem to think about.

you have been so strong they tell me. like fuck have i. its not fair on Kyra. she has ro deal with me. i beat my aslef up because of they way i tear her somethimes. the looks from john when i shout are horrid. i dont mean to shout. i try so hard to be a good mum focus my energy in to that but somethimes ti. things over spill.

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