I've been meaning to make a post for a while, to let out all the things I've been thinking about lately. I could never get around to it though lol. But now I've got a cold, and nothing to do but sit on the couch and watch tv. This is gonna be long, but here it goes...

Only one of my friends knows I'm dreading. He's been supportive since I first told him I wanted dreads. I did have to explain the natural method to him, but he was supportive of it once I did. A few weeks ago he touched my hair and I moved away. because I'm always afraid people are going to finger comb it. He was all like "oh yeah I forgot you were getting dreads", then he started jumping up and down and going "when are you gonna have dreads?".

Then like, two weekends ago he told me "if I had magic powers I would zap dreads onto your head" lol. I told him I wouldn't let him. It's weird because even though he is supportive, I feel like he doesn't really understand why I'm dreading. It makes me feel lonely because I don't know if anyone really understands. My dad does, but that's not the same as having a friend that understands.

I'm nervous for when my hair really starts to get crazy. So far everything is good, but I'm only a little less than two months. People at school are noticing, and that's actually exciting. I'm happy that people can tell because it means my hair must be progressing, but it's still scary to think what will happen when everyone notices.

The majority of the students at my school are black, with Hispanic coming in second, then white, Asian, etc. The only kids I know with dreads have African-textured hair, and they just twist their hair. The culture around dreads at my school is very different then what I associate them with. Girls at my school also spend a lot of time cutting, dying, flat-ironing, doing all sorts of things to their hair. I'm nervous that when they start to notice my hair they'll think I'm nasty. I already don't fit in all that well, and I like to avoid trying to explain the things I do because it never works out for me.

Also everyone at my school seems to create a big riff between races. Everyone brings so much attention to race. They other day my friend said to my other friend "black people don't wear headbands". For clarification they are both black, and he was teasing her for wearing a headband. I asked him what he meant by that, and I started to get agitated. He told me not to take him seriously, but it's hard not to get annoyed because I hear so many ignorant statements every day. I get asked things like "do I listen to white people music", or if I listen to "that rock music stuff". I mean complete strangers ask me those things! One time this girl kept calling me Sarah before she asked me what my name was, and I was so offended, she also called a Hispanic kid Pablo. I wish someone could say something to her, but people are so aggressive at my school that no one speaks up to them.

I'm nervous that people will figure out I'm dreading (I'm not telling anyone, even after my hair gets knotty) that they'll think I'm crazy cause "white people can't have dreads". Or because no one at my school knows you can get dreads by not brushing, no one I have talked to anyway. I can't believe it! I'm just scared to become "that girl who doesn't brush her hair". I don't want people to make school hell for me, I already hate it.

My friends are generally nice and smart, but don't seem to understand me. It's hard because there are tons of people at my school who hate me, and then I have these friends who are there for me and everything... but I still don't relate with them.

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On a more positive note, I'm so happy with my hair. It's doing great so far. Sections with little fuzzy knots in them it looks fuller too, feels thicker. I love to look at it in the mirror, and to find all the sections I can consider baby dreads. Woohoo!