No Longer Counting
I have to say that my hair looks messier and closer to dreading in the few pictures I put up during that first week than it does now. The good news is that I have stopped thinking about it. I suppose I will take a picture at around a month just to see if there is any more progress, but right now there isn't much forward movement to show. I have kept up with my spiritual treatments a bit, communing with my hair as an intuitive tool... asking it for good dreams... meditating on the sensation of my hair and scalp, and giving it some Reiki love from time to time. I got my wool hat in the mail finally and I suppose it could be helping a bit. It sleeps good, doubling as an eye mask and staying on my head all night. I have a hard time keeping my hands out of my hair, wanting to tuck it behind my ears and trying to tuck it into the tam. I have longer hair for the first time in many years so it can be irritating feeling it tickle and poke at my shoulders. I try to let the jets in my bathtub form some knots, but they seem to fall out the next day. I'm only salt spraying a couple hours before washing, washing every three days. I'm using the Baking Soda wash now with Dr. Bronners as my standard body soap and bath soak. I think the texture of the baking soda might help the locking minimally. I had strung some shell beads through my hair for a few days, but the shells themselves seem to be shaped like tiny combs. First they broke the hair as if I had backcombed, soon they wanted to slide right out, and finally I let them, seeing that the shape of the shells might be preventing matting after all. Any separations in my hair are too thin to hold a 6mm bead. I opted out of wrapping this early. I wanna make sure I'm doing everything I can to promote the matting process, but it's not in my hands, it's just something that has to do itself. Meanwhile, I forget that my hair is a mess when I go out in public... I carry my head a bit higher as well... as if to say, "No.. I don't brush my hair, and, No, I don't think there's anything wrong with it." I can't say that I haven't been thinking about going through a day of twist and rip or back combing... It's tempting when you have been weeks without brushing and see no change. But then I just remember that man made locks don't lock. If I put my healthy hair through hell by literally ripping it up, it's only going to end in half ass "locks" that will fall apart on me in no time. I have spent three years getting my hair past my shoulders and there's no way I'm going to mutilate it for a hairstyle. I learned after coming to this site and contemplating for a bit that this whole thing isn't about a hairstyle after all. It's about something much less shallow. For now, I'm no longer counting. I can't tell you the number of days of my journey. In a moment, I will check my photos and I will find out how long it's been. If it's been a month, I'll take some pictures. Otherwise, I will quickly dismiss the silly numerical quantification of "dreading," and resume the perspective of simply letting go and letting flow. That's not to say I won't be putting in effort. The spiritual stuff, the salt spray, the wool tam, the baking soda, and with luck some helpful beads.. any other tips or tricks are welcomed and will be put to good use. I will keep doing what I can to encourage, but a big part of doing what I can is forgetting. What I can do is forget. What I can do is no longer count.