By Panterra Caraway, 2010-12-07
I was watching the Dr. Phil Show today and he said something that really pissed me off. He said that in the midst of anger we are at our weakest and that in anger we put on our victim hat because we feel something is being done to us...BULLSHIT! That made me so angry! And how ironic that a statement about anger would make me feel this way. But one of the biggest problems I encounter in life today is apathy. Every big company gives you half-assed service and acts like they are doing you a favor. Too many people see things that are wrong and do nothing about it...case in point, this whole body scan crap at every airport. I think healthy indignation and anger is what has been the catalyst for change! No, I don't think you should just run around being hostile and mad at the world, but anger does not always have to be negative. Anger can light a fire in your heart, driving you to achieve a better, more just world. I hate the way that we have become so "politically corrrect" that you can't even disagree with a policy or someone in authority without it becoming a need to call security. Ever been in a store or somewhere else that you are the patron and something is so blatantly wrong that you dare voice your feelings? You get..."Do we have a problem? Do we need to call security?" It is like a scene from that Adam Sandler movie Anger Management!! I just refuse to be a damn sheep...or a mindless zombie. How is recognizing that the world has become complacent and becoming angry about it make me a victim or powerless? Maybe Dr. Phil should proof-read his que cards.
By Panterra Caraway, 2010-07-19
So, here I am...my last night in Utah. This trip has been an enlightening one. I have found my own way. I came expecting to feel even more alienated than any other trip, but everything seems to have changed somehow. It started in the airport before I even left. The man who checks the luggage led me through the detector...ofcourse, I was wearing a tam, and given that it was over 100 degrees he said, "We can have a female pat your head covering down if you don't wish to remove it." It was said with alot of respect, so I removed it and this crazy mess emerged (as you can all imagine)...and that was it. Then, in Utah we were greeted with record temps. (some areas 111 deg.!). So, once again, the tam stood out a bit. People were kind out whispering alittle and my daughter explained that I was growing dreadlocks...done! The only lengthy discusssion that I had about the subject was with my daughter's therapist, who I know very well. After I explained my thinking and my reasons (which are spiritual) she said, " I really respect your decisions. I have no knowledge of dreadlocks. I have seen them and wondered what they were about. Wow! Now I think I have a better understanding and that is wonderful!" It made me proud to pass something so life changing on to another person. I want to also say that I have spent alot of time walking back and forth to my daughter's school and I have had a chance to reflect on life and it may sound strange...but I am different. I made this trip only 4 mos. ago and I know that I am not the same person I was. On my walks I have seen lots of horses (which I am usually very afraid of!), but this time I called to them and they came! It was as if we had some kind of shared experience. I felt like they recognized this small, organic growing part of me that is willd and untamed and they felt a connection. They look for me now, and I caress their noses and talk softly to them everyday...it is as if we have an understanding. Isn't life amazing?
By Panterra Caraway, 2010-07-09
Okay, so here it is...I will be going to Utah on Friday July 16th. I am going to visit my youngest daughter. My daughter Blaze is 11 and lives in a facility, she has been gone since May 4, 2009. Blaze is Bi-Polar and in the past has been very violent. She used to beat me and my other two daughters daily. When we painted her room after she left there were 65 holes in the wall. She was taken out of public school at one point and put into a school for the emotionally disturbed where she was suspended for beating her teacher. I am condensing this for space, but let me say that if you have not had this challenge in your life you might not be able to understand how bad it got. Our house is a loving home. There is no abuse or addiction and not one has ever hurt Blaze. Her dad and I have been married 18 years. We have tried everything, the only choice we were left with was to send her to a facility...that, or to lose our other kids because of the violence in the home or lose Blaze to the juvenile system. Anyway, I have been to Utah three times to visit her and this will be my fourth. The problem is that in addition to the stress of having to leave my daughter once again at the conclusion of the visit I have to be in Utah. Utah is a beautiful state, but from my experience, the people have been mean and small minded. Although I try to be unaffected, I still very much am. They sneer at me and are down right hostile, even the clerks in stores are hateful. I know that it stems from the fact that I have tattoos and bright red hair and I don't dress the way they do there. The population is very much Mormon. I do not want to criticize anyone's faith ( I am Jewish), but they don't even know me and they act like they hate me and it begins as soon as I get there until I leave...and it is everywhere but at my daughter's school! Now, here I am in a tam! How do I stay happy and focused and unaffected? I feel overwhelmed and emotional, even against my own better judgement. By the way, as you can imagine..my decision to dread sprang out of this life altering experience. After Blaze left I had finally a moment of peace and clarity and I desperately needed to do something for myself. I want you all to know that each person here that has reached out in even the smallest way has helped me to find comfort and begin to heal. Thank you and bless each of you.
By Panterra Caraway, 2010-07-03
Dear FriendsIt is my greatest pleasure to present this book MIRACLE APPLES to you for your consideration.Let me explain how I came across this book, and what the book is about.I was sitting in the lounge of JAL in Tokyo waiting to go back to New York. I picked up this book from the newly published books displayed in the corner. Once I started to read the book, I could not put it down. The attendant of the waiting room told me I could take the book with me, so I read the whole book on the plane to New York, and immediately wished there was a second book on this subject.This book is a revolution. It is a true story of how an apple farmer worked for 10 years to find a way to grow apples without using any insecticide. I assume the method he has discovered does not just apply to growing apples, but any plants raised with insecticide.As he worked year after year, people of the village and his friends all started to think he had gone crazy. At first, the apple orchard he inherited from his ancestors was destroyed by his not using any insecticide. Clouds of insects came to his orchard from other orchards which used insecticide. His two sons quit school to avoid being teased by their classmates. He lost all his savings, and had to be a bouncer in a local bar for a while. His wife did not say anything, but every day she delivered her handmade lunch in a beautiful lunchbox to the field where he was sitting by himself, unshaved, not doing anything anymore but watching the sky.After ten years of this, he finally thought he had been wrong in starting this incredible journey. One full moon night, he went up a hill to commit suicide. He sat on a stone, and wondered how he could do it.Then suddenly a distant tree caught his eye; the tree was shining in the moonlight. It was an apple tree!Why would a single apple tree be here on this hill? he thought.He ran to the tree and found out that it was not an apple tree, but the tree gave him inspiration. Thats right! The apple trees in the orchards are all raised at first in a green house and then replanted; the natural roots were cut off. You need the natural roots to raise a strong and healthy tree. So he got apple trees with natural roots, and sprayed little amounts of vinegar instead of insecticide. The strange thing was that the insects did not come around the apple trees in his orchard anymore.After this discovery, he was interviewed on TV. A documentary of his story was made, and he became famous. Every day he gets many emails from people wanting to buy his apples. He refuses to mass-produce them, so the apples are sold very slowly to people who line up for them.The Miracle Apples also do not deteriorate, since there is nothing bad in them. I think thats how our bodies could be if we didnt have any poison in them.If his method is used to raise fruits and vegetables, it will save our children, our grand children, and us, from getting unnecessary illness.Thats why I call this book a revolution. I hope you will feel the same.Sincerely,yokoYoko OnoJuly 2010New York Citywww.IMAGINEPEACE.com
By Panterra Caraway, 2010-07-01
I am a person who is mindful of being kind and putting myself in the shoes of others. I try very hard to be understanding, regardless of circumstance. For the last few days, I have spent alot of time here conversing with all the dready folks and feeling happy and at peace with what I have found. So, with a smile on my face I went to the local shopping center to run errands. In record time, I was no longering smiling! Infact, I was fighting an urge to hit someone with something! The shopping center was packed with every human in my town (atleast it seemed that way!). Everyone was pulling in and out and going to the market, coming out of the bank, etc. Parking/driving etiquette went right out the window and the folks at the bank let the door slam in my face! I held the door for more than a few people and not one said thank you. Upon leaving the center I got a very loud and rude honk when I didn't zoom through the green light fast enough (guess what? I would have killed a lady in the cross walk!). I came home and slammed the door. How can a 15 minute trip to the store make a person feel so bad? I think what upsets me the most is that the increased busyness is due to the 4th of July celebration. Here are all these patriotic folks laying in their supplies and rushing to do their banking before the holiday and they are flipping everyone off and driving over them in the process...how "American"! Makes me want to live in the forrest.
By Panterra Caraway, 2010-06-29
I wanted to thank everyone here! My little babies are one week old! I am going natural and letting the process unfold. I have learned sooo much from y'all. My scalp was unhappy but I got some Dr. Bronners and the baking soda and peppermint oil. It all felt amazing! Even the ice cold rinse! If not for all your help and advice I would be itchy and frustrated. I see funny little worms and loops beginning...how amazing!!! Sending love and blessings!