i combed my dreads out yet again. I am very sad but at the same time im not sure it was the right time to have them. It is very hard to try to make the transition and change when surrounded by people who dont understand. Ive made a post about this before, about my boyfriend not liking my dreads. he want non supportive or anything, he just didnt care. He didnt get excited about the loops and all the changes in my hair like i did and i didnt really have anyone to share those exciting moments with. I didnt nesicarliy NEED to share them with someone but it just would have been nice for someone to get excited with me.
I had made a post a while ago about not being sure if i wanted to dread my hair again. I think me not being sure should have been a sign that now is not the time. But i did it anyway and just ended up combing them out and now feeling like i wasted my time and energy just to comb them out. i hate that feeling. and if i try to talk to my boyfriend about it or say i miss my dreads hes like well u shouldnt have combed them out. but what he doesnt understand is that he is one of the main reasons why i comb them out. he didnt once compliment me or tell me i was beautiful for the three months that i had my natural set. but the day i started combing them out and he came home from work and saw what i was doing he said oh who is that pretty girl.. i hurt. A LOT. me having dreads doesnt change who i am or really how I look. All that changes is my hair( to him anyways.. it changes a lot for me but just to someone looking at you thats the only difference) my face is still the same, i still talk the same, IM THE SAME PERSON.. and what really sucks now is that after combing them out i feel ugly. when i had them it was like idk its hard to explain. i didnt really worry about how my hair looked and now i feel like i cant just wash it and let it be because i have to make it look a certain way now. i hate that. i loved myself with them and now i just feel ugly. thats the only way that i can describe it.
but at the same time when i had them i though about combing them out all the time. its weird. i think i just need to do some soul searching and then when the time comes and i finally feel like i can have dreads and actually keep them i will.
i just dont know whats going on in my head anymore. some days i love dreads some days i just wanted my hair and to be "normal" and not have people stare at me when i went to the store and stuff. I just wanted to be my old country girl self again i guess.. idk
anyways. sad to see them gone and its really different, but one day, one day they WILL be back.