So I have a lot of thoughts about my hair/locks racing the last few days, I'm trying to recollect & organize them & get it all out.

I wish I hadn't dyed my hair. I absolutely love the color I got it to, but my roots are already showing & I don't want to keep up on the dyeing as my dreads continue to grow. I dyed it before I made the choice to dread, & it had been natural for at least 3 years before that, so long & I just finally messed it up, right before I would discover I didn't want to dye it again at all. Had I just waited another week. Now I'm debating what to do about the color since I don't want to keep on dyeing. Let it lock up & then once i have enough natural growth chop off the color? Will it look awful with my light roots & dark dreads? Should I just shave it off now & start from scratch? Will my dreads still be lumpy loopy & loveable if i cut so much off of them after they've formed? Would it be better if I started over now before I become attached to them? (Full of panicked questions aren't I?)

I got my liquid shampoo. It smells beautiful (nag champa, my fav!) A sample chunk of Dragons Blood. & some of the locking gel (since nothing is knotting yet). I waited for wash day, & when it came & I washed my hair was so fluffy & soft. But any definition I had of my sections was gone. I feel like no progress is ever being made. My sections shift & change, but no knots or loops happening. One of the reasons for switching to shampoo over bs/acv was henna fading. Baking soda strips color. I hadn't noticed any changes yet, but I didn't want the color I have to fade because it won't fade back to natural (unfortunately because that would solve a huge load of my issues) it will just fade to bright red. & as much as I love a good redhead, I do not make a good redhead. Well after 1 wash with the shampoo my color was lighter. More red, less brownish. I don't like it but I guess I don't mind. I am frustrated with the whole color situation & debating the razor anyways. I'll just let it keep fading, I won't be messing with the color anymore anyways. The shampoo kept my hair from getting oily next day (I was able to spread out my washes finally!) but it did dry out my head some & my hands a lot. I loved the smells, I wanted to eat my soap

My daughter slept on my wool pillowcase. In one night she had several matted knots in the back of her head. It took me all day to work through the mess. I want her hair. BAD. A month & a half I've been sleeping on that pillowcase, & not brushing my hair or conditioning. No knots. I brush & condition the heck outta her hair & bam! Crazy mess. I'm crazy jealous.

I had someone tell me nice hair, I had to choke on my laugh. I think she was talking about the color...no style or nice cut, no dreading, just an unbrushed flop. She knows me as a blonde normally.

I'm pretty sure there have been other ramblings, but it feels good to get these ones out of my crazy head. I'm not sure what my game plan is from here on out with my locks, I want them badly, but I want my natural hair again. I wish I hadn't screwed it up, & I wish my hair wasn't taking so long to knot up. It makes me hesitant for my original plan of "just grow them out, comb them out, cut off color & let them dread up naturally again", it just seems like it would take me ages.