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My first month

By: Ixchel
Posted in:

Truthfully I haven't brushed my hair in several months, maybe even a year...but I heavily used conditioner & if my hair wasn't in a ponytail it was being played with. Twisting strands, running my fingers through it, tucking it behind my ear, constant touching & messing with it. That kept it "brushed" looking enough for me. It's been difficult to stop messing with my hair, I've done it unconsciously for so long. I do feel I've stopped for the most part, every once in a while I catch myself starting to touch it & I have to stop before I run my fingers through it or twist a section. It won't be too long before the habit is gone, but I'm sure once I have true knots with lumps & bumps I'll be running my fingers over the lovely textures. I'll have to keep it to a minimum.

For me dreads were first an idea of beauty &convenience. I've admired them for at least 10 years & the thought of lessmaintenance also appealed to me. Short hair cuts were easy but didn't feel or look right on me (i felt my face looked too round). Longer hair required styling which wouldn't hold or a ponytail which pulled at my head & if worn too often or long would start to ache. I felt my only options were chopped off or ponytail, both of which I didn't enjoy, but both kept my hair out of my way & out of baby fingers. I revisited my old admiration of locks.

I came here, I learned a lot. I read & read, I asked questions & helpful kind people answered. No one had a hidden agenda, they only wanted me to have happy healthy locks & share in their own joy of them. The positive energy here was amazing. I had been in a very down spot in my life & having positive people around me for once really helped me look up again.

I'm continually learning. Not just about dreadlocks forming & caring for them but about myself as well. They are teaching me more patience & calm. I'm able to just let go. I'm usually a mellow person but I can get caught up with things & worked up quite easily, I'm already noticing a change in calm lasts a bit longer...& hopefully as my dreads form & grow so can my calm. I've always been somewhat spiritual but I hope that dreading helps open my eyes, mind & heart more to the spiritual side of things.

There is only one things that worries me about my dreading journey, it's not how they will look or how fast they'll form. It's the reactions. Strangers I don't care about, it's my parents & my in-laws. My mother is extremely closed minded sadly, I know she will have plenty of negative things to say. I dread seeing her next. My conservative father may not say anything but he will have his silence ofdisapproval. No amount of information will help them understand, they refuse to be open-minded. My in-laws will probably voice their opinions based on misconceptions, & I will educate them. They will learn but that doesn't mean they will accept. It's hard when some of those closest to you are your biggest critics. I will try to teach them, I will try to ignore the evil things they will say, I will stay positive because this is something that brings me great joy.

Most of my hair is sectioning, the sections seem quite small & stringy but at the roots they seem to be of decent size so I'll let them do what they will. The sides & front top layers still are silky & smooth as if I've been brushing them all along. I'm not worried, it will all catch up in time. The sections in the very back seem to be starting a bit of knotting, but not enough that I would say I have any dreads yet. Slow progress is still progress.

03/01/12 01:47:04PM @ixchel:

eh typo in there "mothers shouldn't look like that" (my mother referring to me)

03/01/12 01:45:59PM @ixchel:

Thanks much SE! I love helping out & just trying to show everyone the things that I've learned & loved from this site :)

My in-laws may very well surprise me, with piercings & a few less than mainstream ideas they mention it once & I give my opinion on it & they just accept me & my thoughts as is. But my parents (especially my mother) are much less accepting. Every birthday of hers, Christmas & after each of my children being born she has brought up my septum piercing (& a few times my lobes) asking me to take them out for her or because "mothers should look like that". Who is she to say what a mother should or shouldn't look like? Isn't what is on the inside much more important? Aren't we all so different in the first place that you can't just place judgement on looks? I wish she could accept that it brings me joy & it is a part of who I am. I wish I could open her eyes.

But yes, I am finally happy with me after years of living in her household & conforming to her rules of what a "good child" should look like. It has nothing to do with looks, a good child is a good person & that comes from within.

☮ soaring eagle ॐ
03/01/12 01:27:28PM @soaring-eagle:

definate progress and your su]o cute! yiu alsop are very helpful around here too! i see you helping alotta newbies all the tie

as for in laws etc many may surprise you ven and admire your dreads others wil remain close minded a long time then someday ccept it

its hard to judge reactions just by what u expect them to do

tho your right family tends to be the toughest ones to get to accept you the way you are

but being happy with you is all that matters

03/01/12 01:25:00PM @ixchel:

Ugh I wish that was my natural hair color! I love it right now. I'm teetering back & forth on letting it grow out natural from here or keeping up on the dye job. I'll have to wait & see how it looks once you can see my roots & go from there. I'm sure once I find a good knot or loop in there I'll have to keep myself from messing with it, but i'll just be so excited about it!

Tara C
03/01/12 01:20:34PM @tara-c:

Slow progress adds up to big progress given enough time. Dreads look amazing with your hair colour too :) but yeah, I've never really been bothered about my hair, never played with it or anything, literally never acknowledged its existence until I started dreading, and now...I'm constantly touching the dreaded parts or the loops. It's addictive. I'm with you on it teaching more patience though, I feel the same way.

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