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Forum Activity for @ॐJesse Rose~*☼

ॐJesse Rose~*☼
@ॐJesse Rose~*☼
05/17/15 04:21:09AM
23 posts

~In need of some love and support here~


Dready love

ok, well let me know when you want me to start performing admin over there...the next several days ill be painting a room...and working on moving there soon. i do need something else to do, it will help me get refocused I suppose.  I hope your shoulder starts feeling better. I have fibromyalgia myself, which chronic fatigue is also involved in that. I feel like i'm losing my mind, though. With all the games and lies, heart and mind games...I feel broken right now, so broken. :(  wish I was in a drum circle somewhere right now.

 

ॐJesse Rose~*☼
@ॐJesse Rose~*☼
05/14/15 11:25:20PM
23 posts

~In need of some love and support here~


Dready love

Hi, it's me again, I just went and signed up..just waiting for the confirmation email...Anonymoz is in my screen name. :)

ॐJesse Rose~*☼
@ॐJesse Rose~*☼
05/14/15 04:42:51PM
23 posts

~In need of some love and support here~


Dready love

ok ill join that forum today, gotta get some things done while i can, first....i promise.

ॐJesse Rose~*☼
@ॐJesse Rose~*☼
05/14/15 04:41:52PM
23 posts

~In need of some love and support here~


Dready love

yes, he has called me drunk since then...several times and a few times left a few messages, really mean and nasty messages...you are right, mean and nasty people, say horrible horrible things, getting cut with a knife would cause less pain and heartache. :(    he isn't even coming clean in this video about all the nasty racist things he has said to me behind the scenes, trying to put on a good face, when that is not in his heart, not from what he has shown me.....not at all.

 

now he is trying to talk me into going to the rainbow gathering in july because it will be close to him, I asked him why is he interested in the Rainbow gathering now? got no response. he is trying to lure me there, it seems...half the people there have dreadlocks, he would never be able to handle it, anyway....      what a joke.

ॐJesse Rose~*☼
@ॐJesse Rose~*☼
05/14/15 04:01:37PM
23 posts

~In need of some love and support here~


Dready love

ps One more thing I wanted to mention, his reading scriptures there, he has NEVER done that before nor has he ever prayed with me or with us together...he says no, he wont pray...but notice here ...trying to read something to me.  He had been putting me thru more hell calling me derogatory names in messages and on voicemail for posting videos by some Christians who happen to be black....so he has been railing me about that telling me I cant do that and spewing all his hate about the subject, yet comes on this video and says the OPPOSITE of what he has been saying to me behind the scenes.....can you say *crazy making????

ॐJesse Rose~*☼
@ॐJesse Rose~*☼
05/14/15 03:58:07PM
23 posts

~In need of some love and support here~


Dready love

ok i will post it there too, can you give me the link to where i need to be at there? i will check back later, Ive got a few things to do...my life is kinda stressed right now, but this helping you will help me to focus on recovery and healing.....it really will...i actually would like to write a book some day...but i could start by making videos....first. I do photography, I'm trying to go forward with that also.

 

I just want some feedback on this video....if you want and maybe i will post it over there also, later on.  thanks so much. I am really doubting myself concerning myself..part of me wants to believe he really does love me....he says i havent given him a chance.... :( 

ॐJesse Rose~*☼
@ॐJesse Rose~*☼
05/14/15 03:54:35PM
23 posts

~In need of some love and support here~


Dready love

Here is the video, ok it was done in March, after my birthday, a few days before our first anniversary ....since he made this he has gotten drunk alot and told me he no longer goes to AA, he's been going to AA for years and his PO told me he only goes so he can find women to pick up.  Well, he went enough to collect some women, so now  he's busy with them I would imagine, got himself a nice van, he's doing really good I guess. Problem is he has lied to me so much, I dont know what the truth is...and as far as him being nice in this video, I hardly ever get this...on the phone I dont get this, I get interrogated and put down... he just wants to know where I am and who I am with and acccuses me of being with men (which I am not) and having a boyfriend, etc, etc, etc, and then I get the mean and nasty voicemails calling me names, saying he is single .....saying he is out looking for someone else, saying i'm a piece of trash, a piece of $hit, the list goes on and on........so much negative that the positive gets lost in it....if that makes any sense. for every positive thing he says to me I must get 50 negative things said....this video doesn't even seem real to me. I dunno.

 

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ॐJesse Rose~*☼
@ॐJesse Rose~*☼
05/14/15 03:40:27PM
23 posts

~In need of some love and support here~


Dready love

oh, one more thing ....can i send you a video here of HIM from two months ago, I just want some feedback as to what you SEE and FEEL when you watch this video where he is telling me how he "feels the pain he put me through" this was before I found out he had signed up for a dozen different dating sites, contacted several of his exes in town, send 30 something messages to one woman on facebook (in town with him there) and posted on her fb wall "you are looking really good, can i take you out to coffee"? and sent his new cellphone number to her (this was in February)...and also before he had picked up some woman and went home with her and got drunk off his ass and called me to tell me about it, she was there with him on the phone when he called.... and some other stuff that no MARRIED man should be doing (to me, anyway)..... I just want to tell me what you see, if you would, would that be ok? or I can post it on HERE, this thread and after you watch it I will delete it....I could do it that way, also.

 


updated by @ॐJesse Rose~*☼: 07/22/15 11:24:14AM
ॐJesse Rose~*☼
@ॐJesse Rose~*☼
05/14/15 03:27:44PM
23 posts

~In need of some love and support here~


Dready love

ok sure, I will help you I have been an admin before at various other sites, just not lately.... I enjoy helping others, especially when it comes to social issues.

Just this last week I watched a documentary on "Netflix" called "tricked" about human trafficking here in the USA..it was basically one undercover cop's story of trying to help young girls....it was heartbreaking, actually.... the justice system tends to let the pimps and johns get off, and just go after the girls, some of these girls get kidnapped and forced into prostitution as young as 11 and 12 years old..

 

But yes, I would love to help.... last year a woman in the town where my land is at, was held hostage by her husband for 3 days and he shot her in the leg...she got away when they went to the store...he took off and there was a 3 day manhunt for the guy, he finally came back, I hope they nail him to the wall, but the problem with the justice system (and ive seen this way too often) is by the time the dude gets to jail/prison, the sentence gets so reduced, it's like being slapped on the wrist for destroying someone's life with abuse...it doesn't fit the crime...I WISH there was a 3 strikes you are out and go to prision for the rest of your life for domestic violence, but what do I know? smh

ॐJesse Rose~*☼
@ॐJesse Rose~*☼
05/14/15 03:27:20AM
23 posts

~In need of some love and support here~


Dready love

Thankyou both for the kindness... yes, I think I have got to really start working on myself....Ive been trying to counteract the negative with going on youtube and watching healing videos and videos on how to get out of a narcissistic relationship. That is helping, some.

 

but yes, *sigh I think I understand that rewiring the brain, and also something else that gets thrown in with all that is Trauma Bonding where your neurons actually get addicted to abuse and drama/trauma.... they say getting off of heroin is actually EASIER than getting out of an abusive relationship.

Hell, just with the crap he has put me thru since January, until now (we've been seperated since august when he got busted)...is more than enough and I am so totally pissed off now, it's not even funny. I'm pissed off about alot of things he has done, the ways he has messed with my mind and my heart....one sick example: he called me at least two times saying he is a SINGLE MAN OUT SOWING HIS WILD OATS.... :( what kind of a guy says that to his new wife? he still has not apologized for it...well, he hasnt apologized for alot of things, if I do get an apology it is usually a lame ass apology that goes something like "I'm sorry if I hurt you" or
"I'm sorry for anything I might have done"  it's never "I'm sorry for calling you a whore and and piece of trash and a piece of $hit the other day, I am sorry for hurting you with my words, can you please forgive me"? no, it's always "Im sorry if I hurt you" or something along those lines.

 

I guess something that really began to be a real turning point for me was after he went to jail...I went to visit him (last day I ever saw him) in jail...that time I saw him was the NICEST HE HAS EVER BEEN TO ME..he was a totally different person, if he was that way to me 24/7 I would never want to leave his side....!!!!!!! EVER.... I cry thinking about this....

 

well, of course by the end of that visit he gave me a list with all the things he wanted me to DO for him...I had to start sending him stamped envelopes, money for shampoo, etc, but i found out later he LIED about the shampoo (he tried to tell me he had no shampoo, no nothing, THEY ARE REQUIRED BY LAW to give them a hygiene kit no matter what...but it became evident he was trying to get all the money he could out of me while he was in there..I finally stopped even taking his phone calls. All i was getting was interrogated, anyway. :( it wasn't about loving or missing me, it was about controlling me.

 

Seriously, I felt like his personal hostage. Not allowed to talk to other human beings, OH and he TOLD ME I would NEVER be allowed to go to another Rainbow Gathering as long as I lived...I was like WTF?????  (HE KNEW I WAS RAINBOW FAMILY)...but once we were married, oh, I was not ALLOWED TO GO TO ANY MORE GATHERINGS EVER AGAIN...I wonder just how many people groups he hates? it seems most of them....if you ask me.

I'm just so hurt, angry, confused, depressed, sad, anxious, depressed, tired, exhausted, scared (i dont want to be alone).......anyway, it's been a rough year for me,...im temporarily staying with relatives, just finally got my van fixed. (he trashed my truck due to his neglect, I'm lucky it didn't blow up from a gas leak he allowed to continue, while i was driving it down the road gas started leaking on the exhaust pipe, out the doors into the floor boards, all over the place, when he called me from jail I yelled at him about it because I COULD HAVE BEEN BLOWN UP..and he didn't seem to think it was really all that important....makes me wonder...if i even matter. 

 

Im getting ready to rent a room from some musicians who go to gigs all the time and jam sessions and know lots of other musicians too....and they live in the country and do dog rescue and Im gonna go help them and grow vegetables and hopefully some day i can build a cabin on the land I bought but no way i can be up there alone. :(

THanks for listening, I needed someone to listen to me....boy it's been rough.

oh AND A HUGE P.S. YES, HE IS A MASTER MANIPULATOR.....I STARTED SEEING THAT FROM JAIL..when he was in there, he would ask for something, Id send it, then two weeks later, ask for it again...come up with a reason...well, i found out later he could have worked for some things there...then he tried to get me to start sending things to his friends in jail? I was like wth? (im on a fixed income) do you think he has ever given me anything? a card on mother's day last year.I paid for it.....he was supposed to make me a necklace from a rock he found...never did. was supposed to help us get ready for WINTER by building things we needed built NEVER DID...the list goes on and on, but he took care of HIMSELF..that he did.  He recently got himself a VAN...told his daughter the van was more important than I am. So there, ya have it. I got nothing for my birthday, which was two weeks before our first anniversary...(nothing for that either) nothing for valentines day, well, you get my point. I feel not too valued unless he wants money or something.

THe entire marriage (if you can even call it that, its a farce is what it is) is so out of balance...he even threatened to shoot me with a rifle last summer because i would not go inside the rv instead of sitting outside (he was being mean, and abusive and he was drunk)...then later when he lost his cellphone , he threatened to beat the hell out of me if i didn't give it back to him (i didnt have it). 

 

Anyway..the list is endless...he does like to manipulate though. If I had any love for him, it's gone now..he destroyed it. ALl I feel is anger, rage, bitterness, etc. All negative. I feel abandoned, betrayed,...etc.

 

Jesse.

 

oh that's scary about the sister who was abused....my husband had told me way back before (after we were married) if I got dreadlocks he was going to shave my hair off. He knew about my love of dreadlocks before he ever married me and he knew i was a hippie...he LIED and said he went to a gathering, but i saw a text message later that he texted someone asking about the Rainbow family and what did they know about it...so he LIED to me about it, I dont know that i believe much of anything he says to me anymore... it all seems fake to me...

he seems fake...he tells me he loves me but his actions have yet to prove it. I dont feel loved, at all, in fact last week he told me he hates me now that I'm dreading my hair. If it wasnt dreadlocks, it would be for the wrong color of shoes, or for a dress i was wearing or for something or other, always something.

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