Forum Activity for @niesje-sigrid

I've been told that dreads are cool, just on dudes. Girls shouldn't have dreads. This came from white and black people. I worked with a Jamaican lady a couple years ago who said she had to cut her dreads off or she would never get married.

JavaLizard said:

As bad as that sounds, it is funny. Because let's be honest most white kids I knew growing up fit that description to a T. I don't know how many free spirit, well, dirty kids went to my high school. They didn't bathe, brush their teeth, smoked pot, and love bob marley , sported the rasta stuff.

I think this cat just ran I to too many of them. Because what is common is that these free spirits, when they talk to blacks, try to relate to us like they are black inside.

Sad truth race and lifestyle, social norms play a big thing. There is a section on here like hardships with dreads, well that is a white thing. My mom is the only person giving me grief because she likes my curly hair. I do not think he is talking anymore than the social side to it. Most blacks don't know the Indian influence in the Caribbean. In fact most white don't know beyond marley.

But the biggest thing is it is sexist. Some white girls look great with dreads, hey get away with murder. But guys not so much. It is a crazy world in which we live. I think if we saw more white guys and gals in suits with dreads the stigma would change, but until then what this guy says is a common view, right or wrong. It still made my day, I laughed a lot.

Ummmm, I haven't greased my hair with anything. I also don't have a "beaver tail" and I wash my hair every 4 days. I still have dreads forming. And they don't come any whiter than me.

I have a 2 year old girl, Faye. Her hair dreads on it's own so well. I'm constantly battling her hair to keep out the tangles and it sections nicely. But she's so dirty! Every night I give her a bath and wash her hair. After the bath I apply leave in conditioner and comb it through. Even after washing, when I comb in the conditioner I comb out food and gunk from the day. I wonder if anybody else dreaded their toddler's hair and had any problems keeping it clean? I don't want her to have any issues with dread rot. Any advice? If I knew I could keep it clean, I would throw away our comb right now, cuz her hair really wants to dread. I'm sick of fighting what it wants to do!

I agree with Mike, sorry. I've wanted dreads since early childhood, but my mom thinks they're nasty, so I'm 20 and just started them last december. It sucks, but their house, their rules. It sounds like you've tried reason;ing with them and informing them, and they honestly, sincerely don't like it.

That's interesting. I figured it could work with enough patience and love

The Hippie Circle said:

I currently have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. We all live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, and help raise my girlfriend's son. My gf is lesbian and my bf is straight. I love them both equally for different reasons. They have a relationship, too, but it isn't sexual, though we have had a few threesomes over the years.

Yes, sometimes one feels left out or not the favorite, and sometimes I feel like I have to be fair or distribute my affections equally. Generally when these feeling arise, we try to talk it out. Polyamory takes looooooots of communication for it to work. There are a few things that we are constantly working on but when all three of us are honest with ourselves and each other we sort things out and move on. Patience is clutch.

Neither politics nor religion factor into our relationship, nor do we sleep around outside the circle. For the most part I am the poly one but both of my partners signed on with full frontal honesty from me. People think I get my cake and eat it too. This could be, and they are free to choose whatever they like, but I looove my life and really enjoy sharing my cake. And the frosting, too.

I know the difference, I just was asking about both and only got a response about polygamy. If anybody wants to add in about polyamory, I'm open to any info

Randi said:

I think everyone is confusing polygamy and polyamory as the same thing, which it's not. Polygamy is rooted in Mormon culture and is one man married to several women. It is done so bc they feel a religious calling to it, dating it back to the biblical days of men having multiple wives. Polyamory is when several people, who are not necessarily officiated with a religion, date and perhaps live together as a unit and sometimes family. It can have many different scenarios as far as how many and who all is involved. Many people find it unnatural to be monogomous and feel that love shouldn't be bound to just one person.

I'm not sure how I'd feel. I still haven't wrapped my head around being in this kind of marriage myself which kinda important for me to understand it better.

Noodle-Doo said:

I don't think we're going in circles. This is the point I'm trying to get to, and the thing I don't understand. How does the partner who isn't the favourite feel about it? How would you feel if it was you, Niesje?

The people I'm referring to are mormon and were raised with multiple wives. So maybe they're just more equipped to handle it because they were raised that way. But they see each other like sisters. They love each other as much as their husband, but just as sisters.

I really think the success of the relationship depends on the love and commitment between the partners. There may be a jealousy issue from time to time. I'm only married to one person and he gets jealous sometimes. But if they really love each other, I think they can work through it. And about choosing who to spend time with, from what I saw on the show I mentioned, they are all a family and do these things together. If you were graduating and your sister was in a car accident, you probably would skip out on the ceremony, right? Same with your sister wife or girlfriend/wife. What I'm talking about is a family, nit a group of people ONLY interested in sex. And there is a relationship where women have multiple husbands, it's called polyandry. I don't see it a lot, but I don't think I know any guys who would be willing to do it. Most guys have too much trust and jealousy problems to handle that well. That's not to say all men are like that, I'm sure there are plenty of them. I watched an interview with a woman and her 2 husbands that was really interesting. The wife and one husband worked and the other husband stayed home with their son. They also said they didn't want to know who the father of the little boy was so that they would both be equal fathers.

Noodle-Doo said:

Are we just talking about sexual relationships here? I think it's posible to have a deep emotional connection with several people at the same time, which you could call being in love with all of them (maybe in completely different ways). But I've never been in a sexual relationship with more than 1 person at a time. Wouldn't conflict come of it, because at some point several of the partners will want or need attention at the same time? What if a man has one partner having a baby, and it's the other's graduation day? What if one has a car crash and is in hospital, when he's meant to be doing something with one of the others? Who does he choose to be with? There will always be a favourite.

It may work in other cultures, but they have very different roles for men and women to the standard in USA and Europe, that have been accepted for many generations. It may have started in relation to maximising the birth rate in a dangerous environment, where many people and children die? Or perhaps rich and powerful people cementing their advantage by having many children? Being raised with a western mindset it would be a hard shift to truly accept a polygamous situation, wouldn't it?

You don't really hear about multiple husbands for each wife, do you? Most people would equate systems like this with oppression of women, seeing it from a western viewpoint.

Not saying I think it's wrong in itself, if everyone if freely accepting of the situation. But surely it will get torn apart by jealousy in the end?

It might for some people. I'm not really sure because I'm just learning about the poly communtiy. However I specifically am trying to learn about committed, serious relationships.

DaThrill Helton said:

What about a real life relationship and a online relationship? Would this count?