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Strangers who touch your hair without asking...

Star Gryphon
6 years ago
190 posts

Strangers have totally just grabbed my hair without asking before.

I've had dreads that have been noticeable for about the last 2 years of my almost 5 years since I stopped brushing. Much of this is that I don't make an effort to hide them or have my hair up out of my face in some way that also makes them not really noticeable. I personally call it "Fairy Glamor." Sorta just this thing I do to encourage people to not pat attention to what I don't want them to.


I wanna know what people have done...and how they react when people just come out of no where and grab or touch your hair! Without asking first!

I was at work last night and a customer of mine who was slightly intoxicated and not a regular or anyone I knew, just reached out and grabbed a handful of my hair! She said that she loved my dreads. I don't quite remember if she said anything else...but I sorta just pulled away...smiled and said thanks.

In this instant I didn't ask nicely if she could please ask next time before she did that...or something along those line. Sometimes, like when I'm at work...unless you are a nasty person who probably has nasty hands...or want to be a weirdo and smell them/me just out of the blue...I don't make an issue over it.

Also, I was hoping that possibly she would give me a tip since she had won a little money on our video poker machines. She ended up tipping me a fifth of what a made all was happy...and definitely avoided a confrontation!

There's been other watching a movie in the theaters...and because it's most comfortable...being leaned back in my hair with my hair falling over the back....when someone has all of a sudden...started yanking on a dread a little...and had a hold of some of my hair, touching it.

In that case, I pulled my hair away and looked back asking saying..."hey! Do I know you from somewhere?" I didn't...I then asked why they were grabbing it and touching my dreads without asking me first. That it was rude to reach out and grab someone's hair. That...if we had been standing up...I very well might have turned around and have my self defenses up. A person could very well get punched doing that to some of my friends.

So...stories? Reactions? How these reactions might be different depending on circumstances.

updated by @star-gryphon: 02/14/15 04:44:50AM
Baba Fats
6 years ago
2,710 posts

I was down the shore with my wife (girlfriend at the time), and her parents. We were in a diner having breakfast when a waitress walked by our table (not our waitress). She was coming from behind me and flicked one of my locks. Didn't grab it or anything. She just flicked it. She didn't stop, she just kept walking and went behind the double doors to the kitchen. I didn't even have time to react. No one else saw because they were all reading the menu. I was too when it happened. So it caught me completely off guard. I looked up, and she wasn't carrying anything and may have just bumped into my hair. It was obviously deliberate. I would normally have chalked it up to her flirting and not knowing I was out with my girlfriend and her family, and though I was with my family so she would think it was ok to flirt. But take a look at my wedding pictures. There's no way in hell the 2 of us look even remotely related.

It was just extremely rude, But there was nothing I could do, she was gone.

Normally, if I can see your hand coming, I don't care if you touch my hair, even without asking. It's when I can't see it coming that I think it's completely rude.

I'd probably say the same things you did. "Do I know you from somewhere?" and that it's rude to just touch someone's hair without asking. If you can see it coming, you can flinch out of the way, or say something to stop them before they reach you

6 years ago
29 posts

personally go to as many shows over the summer as i can, and prior to me starting my dreads i would always ask people may i touch your hair as creepy as that seems... but idk i have a love for them, and now i have friends and random people who have started conversation with me because of my hair and then asked to touch, i personally do not mind it because i used to do that to people all the time....but people who do it without asking it a little off putting....but once again at many shows people are on things that just attract them to something and they do without thinking it may freak the other person out. my dreads are not long at all and i would expect that in the future people will just grab, i see it as a compliment even though it is creepy. people just may be attracted and think oh its something different leme touch. hah

Star Gryphon
6 years ago
190 posts

Totally true. I've definitely pulled myself back out of reach when I've seen someone coming!

Back in my days of heavy drinking on a frequent going to live music venues to watch shows....or just hanging out at the bar...I've definitely been the douche to come up behind some of the dreadies with long pretty hair and "petted" them. I usually got away with it and was told that I was excused since I had my own mature dreads....

Star Gryphon
6 years ago
190 posts

I definitely get people who ask to touch them pretty often! Or if someone is asking questions about them and they have clean hands....I offer if they want to feel them. a friend some advice about why not to palm roll dreads...I told her to feel how "soft" non-palmrolled dreads are versus how hard and stiff the ones that had been were!

Star Gryphon
6 years ago
190 posts

I only said it cause I've met SO many people in my life....I sometimes can't remember who people are when I encounter them! or WHERE from! still is a good one. :)

6 years ago
102 posts
Wow that's messed up. I have never heard of anything like that here. Touching someone without asking, especially a woman, is going to get you slapped/arrested. Asking to touch someone is just...uhm...creepy. Very few people are that brash here.My hair is still the "messy curly" kind, though I doubt they're going to touch it even when it's thoroughly dreaded. I just look that dangerous :D.
6 years ago
102 posts

Priorto dreading a lot of people asked to touch my hair, and I lot of people touched it without asking. A few times at school the person who was seated behind me has started playing with my hair without asking. I used to lean back so they could reach more! I LOVE it when people play with my hair. Even just someone running there fingers through it feels amazing. I also understand why a lot of people at school wanted to touch it; I've always gone to schools were the majority of the students are black, and a lot of people are just interested in the difference in hair type, they want to know how it's so soft and straight.

BUT ever since I started dreading I have not wanted people to touch my hair, In the first few weeks of not brushing the people trying to touch my hair were friends. But, they still didn't ask, they'd just randomly stick their hand out. I always moved away and asked them to please not touch my hair. It got so bad with everyone trying to touch my hair that I told them I hate it when people touch my hair! Since then they've mostly stopped :)

A few weeks ago a girl asked me if I brush my hair, and then tried to touch it. I moved away and said "nope".

Today my friend (and everyone else) said I looked a mess and actually tried to finger comb it! I told him to please do not do that, and he apologized. Another kid tried to touch it and I kicked his hand (sounds weird, but I was getting water and his hand was like coming towards me and I just stuck my foot out). A lot of people want to fix it for me lol, but it doesn't need fixing.

So yeah, I get this problem a lot. People DO NOT ask, but I usually see them coming. I think it's only gonna get worse as my hair gets more crazy. I think people shoulddefinitelyask before touching somebody else for any reason! For example, I have a friend with a very sensitive scalp but people love his hair (I think it's because he's a white boy with long fluffy hair lol). When people touch his hair his first response is to lash out because it hurts and it makes him angry! If people just asked he could warn them that his head issensitive!

6 years ago
20 posts

Happens all the time at my new high school! The other day a girl, let's call her Jessica just took my hair out of the headband bun it was in and started grabbing handfuls, and I couldn't stop her because I was holding a plate of beef liver for biology. Then she proceeded to call all her weirdo friends over to take turns grabbing at my hair. Eventually I tossed the plate onto the table and made them stop. Later I learned Jessica has always had extreme boundary issues. That really doesn't make it okay though.

Another thing I have noticed is people smell my hair A LOT. This one chick named, uh let's go with Jackie just stuck her nose into my bun on the first day of school! Has that ever happened to you guys? It was super weird.

Another time I laid my head down in class (Finished early) and I sat up and like two or three people were rolling my dreads, it was super freaky, I thought they were performing a cult ritual on me. so not cool

Also in the first week of school I was sitting with my new friends and I left to go to the bathroom, when I came back they wouldn't look at me. So eventually I convinced the hair sniffer girl to tell me what was up, this one girl told all of them people with dreads don't wash their hair and they never have. I flipped out on her, like that is totally not okay. It's like I need a hoodie that says YES, I WASH MY DREADS. I explained the whole situation though, still super annoying.

I don't usually mind if you touch my hair without asking but sniffing it is too far even for me. Plus taking my hair out of the bun? You guys know how much work it is to put dreads into a neat pony tail, a lot.

6 years ago
518 posts
I have a really really big personal bubble and I let people know of they step into it. Most people, even strangers, know not to invade my space tho. I haven't had any experiences with strange people grabbing onto, feeling, or smelling my hair. A few weeks ago, a friend sitting next to me did kind of feel around a bit, checking the texture because she'd never felt dreads before. It had been months since I'd last seen her so she was trippin on how they'd changed. I didn't mind her doing that, even found it mildly soothing which was good because we were in a crowded room. I don't like big crowds. My oldest son and I were I the lobby area of a building yesterday and some random girl came up to ask me questions about my hair and to see the underside. She was verynice, if a little annoying, I was mildly uncomfortable because I needed to wash my hair but I got over it. This is the most interaction my dreads have got in such a short period of time lol
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