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My mother's mindset makes me sad :(

Madison Majhen
@madison-majhen
3 years ago
10 posts

My mother is your average consumer, she works a really tough job and like most people is really vain and insecure and prefers to dwell in her own misery and thus spreads negative energy around.

I moved away to Europe and haven't seen her for a long time because I had to find my own path. At first it was really difficult adjusting here because I was stuck in my bad habits and routines. But I've met some really awesome likeminded people and spend time with them a lot.

My mother like the majority of society absolutely does not understand dreadlocks. I sent her a long message about how I miss her and actually did love her my whole life but couldn't tell her because I hated myself. I explained to her that dreadlocks have given me confidence to just be myself without all the makeup and burning my hair etc. to fit in to everyone else's expectations. Free to literally just be myself!

She sent me a positive message about how she always knew I loved her but hated myself and had to have somebody to blame. But then she turned it negative and said " I love you no matter what, even if you are hiding in piercings and dreadlocks. " She tried to tell me how soft my hair was when I was a baby..yes but because chemicals were placed on it!

This comment honestly upsets me a bit simply because it's the total opposite!! Dreadlocks have set me free to be myself! My whole life I was hiding, I'm done hiding!! Not to mention piercings and dreadlocks are not the same!

How do I explain this to her in the kindest way possible. Natural hair is natural beauty! Hair is power! :)


updated by @madison-majhen: 09/20/15 05:46:18AM
☮ soaring eagle ॐ
@soaring-eagle
3 years ago
27,420 posts

mom constantly changing how i looked through artificial means with chemicals and afressive "taming" was hiding myself behind societies mask yea the peircings maybe wernt natural but helped me break out of that mask and now they are there permenantly so..who cares ..but the dreadlocks are me..the most natural me not hiding no more

something like that




--
Creator and head dreadhead at:
Dreadlocks Site
Glider pilot student at:
Freedoms wings international
☮ soaring eagle ॐ
@soaring-eagle
3 years ago
27,420 posts

but really many moms are exactly like that

they have ideas of howthey think you should be that dont really include you being who you want to be




--
Creator and head dreadhead at:
Dreadlocks Site
Glider pilot student at:
Freedoms wings international
Tim5
@tim5
3 years ago
359 posts

Your Mom is clearly a very different person to who you are, she has travelled a different path to you, had different experiences, she has probably expected different things from society, she has perhaps felt it necessary to conform, without even knowing that is what she is doing, she is from a different generation, a different upbringing. I am of course guessing these details. If I can assume she is different from who you are. Why do you expect she could understand the experiences you and alot of others receive on the dreadlock journey? It is very hard to tell some one of an experience and have them understand fully. Tell her you are happy, even better show her you are happy, that is all a parent really wants.

I did have a similar experience with my Ma, I was dreadlocked, going to India for retreats etc, travelling all the time, I was happy, and when I came home to visit I was beaming, I could not get the smile off my face, I would tell of my experiences, and we had a great time, but she could not have really understood what I was feeling, but I was happy, it is surely hard to argue with some ones lifestyle if it suits them. If you are happy and you can show that on your face, there is not much more to tell. Live it, be happy, your Mom can't argue with that, she is probably trying to understand, but without your experiences, which is what has allowed you to understand, it will be much harder for her to get it. Take care, love what you are doing and others will 'get it' in there own way.

Just my opinion, I understand I do not know you or your Mum, I'm not trying to be a 'know it all', just my thoughts,

peace,

tim

Rude Bwoy
@rude-bwoy
3 years ago
40 posts

I think a lot of people struggle with this, at one point or another. Be it appearance related or otherwise.

Beauty is subjective...You can't convince someone a ruby is better looking then a diamond or vice versa, they will like what they will like.

You CAN question rather or not that is how she really feels, or if that is how Big Brother America has taught her to feel. Its mind control really, I had someone recently trying to be-little me for growing dreads.

Its just like "yeah ok, meanwhile you keep trying to look like george bush, obama, and all the other people you claim to hate, and it doesn't bother me at all, but of course if I choose to grow my hair like Jesus, or various or religious figures its an issue."

Its kind of sad when people think its ok that anything out of the normal is considered wrong, weird, bad etc. Like we get 5 different style choices that america says are 'ok.' anything outside of those hair/clothes/speech wise etc. is considered wrong and taboo, you will be outcast if you don't look like the rest of the sheep!!

Ok I guess I'm ranting, but long story short. Do what makes you happy, but dont let your mothers judgement of your appearance get in the way or your relationship or feelings for you. If your heart/spirit/soul whatever is free, or so you say, then you should be able to accept her with this flaw for the sake of a loving relationship. This is why I like REAL Rasta culture...They are not going to debate the differences in religion or culture, so much as celebrate and spread love based on what they can agree on.

Madison Majhen
@madison-majhen
3 years ago
10 posts

Thanks for your replies guys. I couldn't agree more! I just hope I can inspire my mother someday.

Sunflower
@sunflower
3 years ago
95 posts

dont worry, its a normal mother thing. I have the exact same issues with mine :) you're not alone! <3

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