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Dreadlocks Forums

Confidence

Hannah :)
@hannah
3 years ago
21 posts

I am about one week into my neglect dreadlock journey. Let me just say, my hair dreads extremely fast!! (I know, Im so lucky!)

Already, I have gotten comments and looks, and when people touch my hair I get so stressed they are gonna say something about dreadlocks. Basically my confidence is way low when it comes to my dreads. I am continuing my journey, no question, they are already a part of me. I know I don't have to impress everyone and I know all that blah blah blah. But I want some suggestions on how to deal with low confidence and especially anxiety over judgmental people.

I'm sure most of the time, people aren't even looking at my hair, but I imagine it all.

Either way, I've struggled with extreme anxiety my entire life and this is a hard step for me. But I would love to push through it if you all can help me. <3


updated by @hannah: 01/13/15 09:52:14PM
Baba Fats
@baba-fats
3 years ago
2,730 posts

My best advice is to find a way to make fun of yourself if a joking way. I used to get comments about "where the drugs are at". I don't do any drugs. So I used to ask "What, do I look like a pothead?" It eases tension. You laugh. They laugh. When you get someone laughing, they tend to no judge you like they might have beforehand.

Another bit of advice is to take down/cover up your mirrors. That way you can't see yourself, even accidentally. You can't stress over any tiny imperfections in your locks or appearance. So if someone comments about your hair, you can't run home and look at yourself and try and see what they saw. You'll never be able to see what someone else saw. Not the way they saw it. This method keeps you from thinking they were right. You can only experience your appearance through how you feel with your hands.

Lastly, but it can be hard: Realize that everyone who judges you is only unhappy with themselves. Maybe not at the moment. But if they think you look bad, they are only projecting that they think they look bad. That they have to dress/appear a certain way. People who believe that have no true self confidence. You are doing something extremely brave and noble by making a visible statement that you don't want to conform to popular ideas of beauty/appearance. By doing something that not many people are doing, you should feel even better abut yourself. Just like people with huge and numerous piercings, or visible tattoos. Dreadlocks express a strength that you have that others don't. When someone insults you, they are just trying to bring you own to their level. You should, instead, stand your ground, if not try to bring them up to your level.

Cole Morton
@cole-morton
3 years ago
109 posts

Best answer I have heard to this question.... many of us have had this same question run thru our heads.


Baba Fats said:

My best advice is to find a way to make fun of yourself if a joking way. I used to get comments about "where the drugs are at". I don't do any drugs. So I used to ask "What, do I look like a pothead?" It eases tension. You laugh. They laugh. When you get someone laughing, they tend to no judge you like they might have beforehand.

Another bit of advice is to take down/cover up your mirrors. That way you can't see yourself, even accidentally. You can't stress over any tiny imperfections in your locks or appearance. So if someone comments about your hair, you can't run home and look at yourself and try and see what they saw. You'll never be able to see what someone else saw. Not the way they saw it. This method keeps you from thinking they were right. You can only experience your appearance through how you feel with your hands.

Lastly, but it can be hard: Realize that everyone who judges you is only unhappy with themselves. Maybe not at the moment. But if they think you look bad, they are only projecting that they think they look bad. That they have to dress/appear a certain way. People who believe that have no true self confidence. You are doing something extremely brave and noble by making a visible statement that you don't want to conform to popular ideas of beauty/appearance. By doing something that not many people are doing, you should feel even better abut yourself. Just like people with huge and numerous piercings, or visible tattoos. Dreadlocks express a strength that you have that others don't. When someone insults you, they are just trying to bring you own to their level. You should, instead, stand your ground, if not try to bring them up to your level.

the Barrellady
@the-barrellady
3 years ago
1,302 posts

Dreads are certainly a journey, one that makes us grow from the inside out. Sure, the first year is hard, some days really hard. On those days, just envision your dreads 3 years from now...beautiful healthy dreads....this always got me through it. Have someone knit you a tam. On the days that your hair may get you down, put on the tam...a nice elderly neighbour will happily make one for you, just take her a box of tea and some cookies, she will love doing something for someone else. I started my dreads @ the age of 49, and I am sure that some people looked at me like I was insane...just made me stronger...before you know it, you will be at the one year mark, the craziness will be over. If you want to tie them up on the crazy days, use a shoelace and just tie them loosely, the texture of the shoe lace keeps it in place. Everyone on this site who has grown their dreads with love has gone through the same feelings, it's okay to feel that way...just makes you stronger. Your dreads will grow & you will grow into a more understanding human being. You will also learn that you can do anything with patience and allow time to take as long as it needs to to get something done. A wonderful experience I would not change for the world. Hang in there...don't look at your hair often....remind yourself of your future dreads.....Peace

Kerry LoCo
@kerry-loco
3 years ago
46 posts

I also agree with Baba Fats' comments.

People don't really seem to notice my dreads. A friend hennaed my hand over a week ago and that has received more comments than my hair has. LOL

Confidence comes from within. If you feel good and you like the way you look, then chin up. Its taken me a long time to gain confidence in myself and I am becoming happy and my dreads are just a part of that.

taye
@taye
3 years ago
836 posts

We are all just human. Every single one of us have opinions, judgments (of some kind or other), beliefs, likes and dislikes. I am only responsible for mine, not yours, not some stranger at the grocers, just mine. Other peoples' thoughts really are not my business. If someone has judgmentsregardingme..those judgments belong to them. They do not effect me. I am only responsible for me and my thoughts and actions....not theirs. Having self worth and self love builds confidence. My opinion of myself is not based off of what other people think of me. I do care what my family and friends feel...but i do not base my opinions of self on them either.

GoldenEagle
@goldeneagle
3 years ago
388 posts

No one can beat you at being yourself. If they try they'll lose 100% of the time.

We are all unique. Everything about you is unique. From the pattern in which our hair grows out off of your our scalp, the pattern your veins and arteries made when they formed in your body, to the pattern of your irises,

The only thing identical twins share with each other is their bone structure.

Put your confidence in the fact that you are you and no one can be you better than you can.

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