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How do you deal with peer pressure?

HippieMama
@hippiemama
2 years ago
1 posts

Ok kids, I've been dreading my hair for a few months now. I basically just decided to do it, twisted and ripped in some sections, stopped brushing and started doing a baking soda wash. A-Ok, right?

BUT my dreads sometimes look all funky- they're flat on the top and I have so much hair that part of my head just looks messy and other parts look like baby dreads. It seems like other people (Who have/have had) dreads in the past want to help me FIX them. Really, people can't keep their hands off them, which is fine with me but I'm a little worried that they will mess them up. How do I tell people (who have really lovely looking dreads themselves) that I KNOW crocheting/ back combing/ constant maintenance works for them- but it's not for me?

It's hard because my family (people without dreads) already give me a hard time for the 'messy' look and it's tempting to let someone 'clean them up a bit'. So that maybe my family won't be so stressed out.


updated by @hippiemama: 01/13/15 10:02:35PM
Jesse Parker
@jesse-parker
2 years ago
57 posts

Why are you worried about your family being stressed out about YOUR hair. That seems like their problem, and they need to stop worrying about you. If they worry more about your hair that anything else, they should probably sit back and think about their own lives.

interrstella
@interrstella
2 years ago
41 posts
As a person who has people trying to correct the way I look all the time (I MEAN ALL THE TIME) just let it roll off your back, they have their ways of doing things and looking a certain way and you have yours. Just calmy (with a genuine smile) explain "to each his own" I have my standard of beauty and you have yours. there's no right or wrong.
Jesse Parker
@jesse-parker
2 years ago
57 posts

Very true, and we all have our own ways of dealing with it. Generally I just tell people to piss off...but you can't always do that. lol

interrstella
@interrstella
2 years ago
41 posts
I really try my best to be nice about it at first because a lot of people say those sorts of things out of pure ignorance. They don't mean any harm and i don't want to continue and negative stereotypes of people with any body modification no it wasn't your business to begin with but most people drop the subject after i explain that i see beauty in a different way. Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't tell people to piss off haha. If I'm in my jamies getting coffee and you're trying to tell I look stupid I'll tell you to go away and if it continues I'll tear then a new one but I do try to steal clear of this because I don't feel defensive about my appearance anymore
Jesse Parker
@jesse-parker
2 years ago
57 posts

Yeah I TRY to be nice about such things at first, but I come from a family with anger problems and bad tempers so it doesn't always work...Just ask my wife. That why I want to grow dreadlocks. As a symbol of letting go of my anger and becomming a better person. Though its a shame your family just can't seem to understand...

☮ soaring eagle ॐ
@soaring-eagle
2 years ago
27,412 posts

just tell them they are dreads they are fine the way they are dreads dont need to be forced and don't last long if damaged severely

dreaducate them on the harm they are doing and leave it at that




--
Creator and head dreadhead at:
Dreadlocks Site
Glider pilot student at:
Freedoms wings international
Sting.Rey
@stingrey
2 years ago
44 posts

You will discover that this journey of the dreadlocks is a spiritual one, but it is also a path of discovery, self fulfillment and enlightenment. One of the firstlessons you will learnis the letting go of appearance, vanity and false pride. Once you let go of those one thingyou will quickly discover on this pathis the absolute "neediness" of others in our society, honestly it is so prevalent that it is funny when you realize it and you'll start to laugh. Most people living in our society are so worried about others and what others might think and how they will be judged that they extend that same "neediness" to you, especially you now that are you are stepping outside conventional societal norms and rules of appearance. But sometimes you just have to break the rules if want to break free. Learn the lessons that this journey will teach you. One of the first ones is: you will be judged by most of society based on your appearance no matter what you look like, but guess what it doesn't matter. The only judges you need to worry about are you and the creator above, everyone else is just an opinion. Let them continue on the mindless drone path of societal acceptance, you are different. You are on the path of enlightenment.

How do you respond to other's "neediness" and their attempts to "help" you? By realizing first what it truly is. Understand they truly mean well and most are coming from a place of good intentions. No one has ever asked to help me with my hair. They only have asked at the most why I have let my hair dread or out of curiosity how I maintain it, though women do tend to like touching it. I think a lot of it is it how you carry yourself. If you exude self understanding, wisdom and confidence few people will think you need help, you are not seeking their approval. If anyone did ever ask to help me with my hair I would look them straight in their eyes, try to see their inner spirit, and respond smiling with genuine kindness & love in my eyes that I understand they have good intentions and that they are trying to help me, but that I am perfectly happy with my hair. If they ask why or how could I be happy with it's appearance, I would respond like I normally do. Enlighten them with knowledge, explain that natural dreads are the most healthiest but that it takes anywhere from one to two years to look mature. I then imbue them with the understanding that this is not a hairstyle, but a commitment.

Good luck and blessings on your journey & keep us posted.

Cara
@cara
2 years ago
2 posts

beautifully said!

Sting.Rey said:

You will discover that this journey of the dreadlocks is a spiritual one, but it is also a path of discovery, self fulfillment and enlightenment. One of the firstlessons you will learnis the letting go of appearance, vanity and false pride. Once you let go of those one thingyou will quickly discover on this pathis the absolute "neediness" of others in our society, honestly it is so prevalent that it is funny when you realize it and you'll start to laugh. Most people living in our society are so worried about others and what others might think and how they will be judged that they extend that same "neediness" to you, especially you now that are you are stepping outside conventional societal norms and rules of appearance. But sometimes you just have to break the rules if want to break free. Learn the lessons that this journey will teach you. One of the first ones is: you will be judged by most of society based on your appearance no matter what you look like, but guess what it doesn't matter. The only judges you need to worry about are you and the creator above, everyone else is just an opinion. Let them continue on the mindless drone path of societal acceptance, you are different. You are on the path of enlightenment.

How do you respond to other's "neediness" and their attempts to "help" you? By realizing first what it truly is. Understand they truly mean well and most are coming from a place of good intentions. No one has ever asked to help me with my hair. They only have asked at the most why I have let my hair dread or out of curiosity how I maintain it, though women do tend to like touching it. I think a lot of it is it how you carry yourself. If you exude self understanding, wisdom and confidence few people will think you need help, you are not seeking their approval. If anyone did ever ask to help me with my hair I would look them straight in their eyes, try to see their inner spirit, and respond smiling with genuine kindness & love in my eyes that I understand they have good intentions and that they are trying to help me, but that I am perfectly happy with my hair. If they ask why or how could I be happy with it's appearance, I would respond like I normally do. Enlighten them with knowledge, explain that natural dreads are the most healthiest but that it takes anywhere from one to two years to look mature. I then imbue them with the understanding that this is not a hairstyle, but a commitment.

Good luck and blessings on your journey & keep us posted.

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