Dazed and Confused Blues

Hey everyone!

So, I'm seeking some advice on my situation.

Basically, after 2 and a half year of living with my partner, whom I saw myself marrying, kids, house the whole 9 yards.. He also agreed that we were the perfect match for each other; spiritually, energetically, vibrationally and compatibly. However, we had gone through some intense situations throughout our relationship, but what relationship doesn't? I'm not talking crazy abuse, but disagreements here and there.

Well recently we had an argument that was definitely the worst one yet.. and after taking a break and giving each other space for a couple of weeks, I'm back at the house we lived together in, with him.. but everything feels different.. the love that we have for each other is still there.. yet we both feel distant.. him more than me it seems.. He brings up a lot of the issues we encountered in the past and doesn't seem to be able to move forward.. Where as I have been able to move forward, learn, grow and not do the same thing twice in my futures. I was so disappointed to have a conversation with him that involved us going separate ways, after believing so much in our love that I only saw him in my future, and our future together. Now I'm faced with the difficulty of living with him, while not being with him.. until he figures out if he feels like things are worth working on..while we still share the bedroom.

This brings tears to my eyes, because I value myself so much that it's my expectation that the partner I'm with after knowing me that long should know if I'm worth fighting for , if our relationship is worth saving.

But we are young, 22&24 and he has a friend that lives the "single" life.. my partner claims he only wants to be with me but that the things we have gone through have been "a lot " for him I'm starting to think that I'm too much woman for him, too intense, or just really not compatible with him anymore...

The hardest part, that I'm seeking advice on , is while I'm living here he wants to be cuddly, act like were together at times, wants to hang out with me- yet he doesn't want to commit.. and now I'm confused if I should move on because I know there are "a million fish in the sea" and perhaps there is someone else out there for me in the future??

I don't know how I feel about it, because I really believed he was a true love of mine. That was going to last.. How do I change that idea I have in my mind? How do I choose if I should go my own path and not stay here waiting for him to tell me if he really wants to be with me again or not?

A part of me is curious to know what else is out there.. but a big part of me knows the love we have and had was so amazing, unlike anything with anyone else, I would hope that I could find that again?

He's also been making me feel like everything has been my fault when I know it's not, but he's not trying to make me feel bad but it iss he was a great boyfriend and theres not much that I have to complain about other than things involving communication.. this whole thing is so confusing.. first true loves.. first house..2 cats!! .. (that would be staying with him if I left) It just doesn't seem fair or right for me to feel like I'm being dangled by a string.. I need clarity.. I can't seem to decide for myself.. why can't I find more strength and confidence to make life decisions to better my life? I feel scared to be alone on my own for the first time.. and I'm addicted to his love I know he wants my love as well, hence why he doesn't want me to move out.. but is that him wanting the cake and eating it too? He's not the type of guy to sleep around.. But he is independent

I need more independence, strength, courage, clarity, and most of all, words of wisdom!

Thank you everyone who took the time to read this and endure my situation.. <3 and peace.

~Marissa

updated by @marissa-victoria: 10/17/19 10:22:14AM

It depends on what his vision is of your relationship currently. Maybe don't ask him to tell you, but just put the thought out there so he can be working on coming to a conclusion in his head which will either end the relationship or renew his passion for your partnership.I know how frightening the end of a very serious or intense relationship can feel. It's never as bad on the other side as you think it's going to be, but the transition is powerful. Look at it as a positive step, if it does come to separation. Give yourself appropriate grieving time but look at it as a new, exciting adventure. During this time I'd recommend taking up a new hobby to make your time and self esteem feel full.

you know..as a guy i can tell you therss not much chance youd be alone long at all if it came to that your incredibly attractive so sweet ..a true delight and im sure those fish will be hopping into your net willinglyt even eagerly but the thing is..its a minefield out there a good partners hard to find while losers are absolutely everywhere

i guess the point im trying to get at is..its worth trying to fix things and to hold on and try untill its completekly clear that there isnt hope..if youwere unhappy ids say run away and find real oove but your happy together..in general even if noit at every momment

so let this momment be and work on getting to a happier momment do some of the things u enjoy doing tofgether like ..random examples if u liked sailing or dancing or gardening tiogether but havent in awhile do those things that had good memories attached

if it does become clear that theres no hope ..dont rush inb its ok to be alone awhile it makes u stroinger more secure in y9urself

watch out for the losers that want a conquest or a challenge or especialy those who want a pretty girl..one to show off ..u know look what a man i am i got me a hotty type crap

wait till u meet 1 that sees the inner you 1st and foremost

then take a chance .but dont expect every relationship to be everything i =u hoped for ..more will fail then suceed bu8t thats ok

my biggest concern is that duringthat few weeks off he did test the waters so to speek or did make a decision that he wasnt sure he wanted to go on

but if its meant to be you'll overcome whatever hasd come between yoiu and work it out

if its not meant to be then your already on borrowed time..always have bneen but just be happy in the factthat that borrowed time was pleasant and a good memory to have after all many relationships leave deep scars and bad memories ..and even some that last a lidfetime can be nothing but a nightmare

'

the time u spent together was precios and always will be even if it had an expiration date

im not sure that was all that conforting but just know that we love you and wee are here for u

if for some reason u dont have him someday you will alwatys have us

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

I think everyone has given wonderful advice. The only thing I can add is that in life we truly never know for sure what will happen next. We also don't really know what is going on in anyone else's head but our own. That makes it really challenging to make future decisions when we don't have absolute information. I know though that decisions made when I am feeling calm are frequently the best and the decisions based on love, not fear take me to the happiest places. In my relationship with my husband things go up and down. We grow and mature and different rates and we have had to play catch up with each other over the years. We started dating when we were 21 (me) and 22. We are still together 13 years later, its been incredibly hard and incredibly beautiful.

You all are so amazing and SUCH beautiful spirits!

All of these responses brought me joy and happiness of course I still feel a little unsettled, with the thought of him with other girls and potentially running into him.. and having to change my mind from a fixed idea to an ever changing one.. which is life.. I'm surprised we don't have it hard wired already that change is ok! .. well some people have a better handle on it than others.. I just wish these things weren't so hard and that there was a definite way to come to a conclusion and move on with it either together or separate.. I feel like you should know someone well enough after 2 and a half years to know if it's worth working on and saving and especially when living together.. I told him I would give it a chance.. he's the hesitant one.. and what if after I leave he realizes he misses me and wants me back and at that point I've met someone else? even if that someone else was just a flame.. I don't want to feel like i never gave it my all because I feel like I did.. and that's my thirst for his all. I know he tried his very best.. and now he's pooped but being hyped up to get back out into the world by his friends when they know how good our relationship was I'd like to hope for the best for both of us truly.. no matter what happens.. you all are right; we don't know what the future holds; the key I'm concluding is in the moment, happy and content with what I'm doing right now.. Not thinking about the "what ifs" It's just hard because like you said Soaring Eagle, there's so many scumbags out there.. I don't want to end up being blind sighted again.. and the new hobby I picked up is surfing! It's been an amazing outlet and connection to Earth and the water element to remind me to go with the flow and not resist those waves that are coming no matter what.. The trick and hardest part is hanging on , or getting dragged under until I can make my way to the surface.. So I'm practicing until staying a float is effortless. <3

~Marissa