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Here's An Uncomfortable Situation...

Panterra Caraway
@panterra-caraway
5 years ago
665 posts
Thank you for replying Trina. It is nice to have another mother give her thoughts and experiences. Did your son have any children tease him or make fun of his dreads? My daughter said that the first week the kids at school bugged her alittle but that she told them to "Shutup!" LOL

Trina Sandress said:

I have an 11 yr old boy who has had his dreads since he was 7. I can relate to you when you say your daughter's hair dreads fast. My son's dreads were made for dreading too. He decided to dread too on his own.I don't have any advice to add to what has already been given but that I told my son that he should cleanse his dreads at least once a week to keep them clean.

I got him his own dread soap and he is not really wanting to use the apple cider vinegar rinse but it is starting to change his mind a bit after telling him what it does for the health of his scalp and dreads.

Nice to hear stories I can relate to! :-]


updated by @panterra-caraway: 07/27/15 11:22:30AM
Trina Sandress
@trina-sandress
5 years ago
87 posts

One of his ex- friends treated him differently when he was going through the beginning phase. He just absolutely ignored him. It totally broke my heart to see this.But I reassuredhim that a real friend would accept him for who he is.

Now adults give him compliments all of the time.Usually saying he looks like Bob Marley. This one guy said that whenhe was in Jamaica he didn't see kids with dreads as long as his.

This one cashier at the grocery store we shop at asked me if he likes his dreads. And I said that it was his choice and I don't think he would wear them if he didn't like them. I wasn't trying to come off as a bitch but sometimes people don't know how to communicate with children so that talk to the parent like the child is not even there.

I just want him to grow up making his own decisions and I think I am here to be a guide to him and to offer to him a positive and nurturing environment so that he has lots of love for himself so that all the negativity just bounces right off of him.

taye
@taye
5 years ago
836 posts

I agree that she should know why it is important to wash and separate. I would occasionally check and separate (cause it can be difficult), but I would leave the washing up to her.

My biggest concern would be does she really hate them? Or was she just saying that in frustration? I know that she chose to dread her hair. But why did she choose it? Did she choose it because she really wants dreads or because of your love of dreads.

I took ballet lessons til i was 18. It was very important to me. I had great passion for it. When my daughters were young I signed them up. I thought they would love it as much as I did. They were very excited at first. At 3 years of age it is fun and games but as they get older, the classes became more serious. They had no love for it at all. They were taking these classes for me. They thought I would be hurt or upset with them if they wanted to quit. Children strive for our acceptance and approval. They don't want us to be disappointed in them.

So if she wants to dread because it is important to her, she will take care of them. If she is doing it for you, she may start to resent them. She may have wanted them in the beginning, but changed her mind. If she doesn't want them anymore, I would not talk her into it. Because then it becomes for you and not for her.

You are an incredible mother. Many parents won't allow their children to express themselves. You not only allow it but you encourage it! That is beautiful!!!

Electric Mama
@electric-mama
5 years ago
80 posts
Hey mama! I think that is awesome your daughter is dreading! So when I started mine, I used the Dr. Bronner's liquid soap ( diluted ) And it worked great. It would be very easy for her to use, It is just like washing with regular shampoo. If you decide to use that I would just show her how to use it one time. I always just put it on my roots and scrubbed really good, then put some on the rest of my dreads and squeezed. Let it on for a little bit, then rinse very very well. Show her how to separate the dreads to ring the water out. Very easy for a little one to do on their own! Good luck!
Panterra Caraway
@panterra-caraway
5 years ago
665 posts
I agree with you. I hate when adults talk as if the child is invisible or too young to understand. Adults say things that at times make me cringe! My oldest daughter is born September 11...we have had so many adults actually tell her "Your birthday is on a terrible day." Can you imagine?! I too hope that I guide my children to make good choices for themselves and to love others as well as themselves. I want them to know the beauty they have inside and the power of their actions. And you are right...I true friend accepts and loves. Thank you my friend <3
Trina Sandress said:

One of his ex- friends treated him differently when he was going through the beginning phase. He just absolutely ignored him. It totally broke my heart to see this.But I reassuredhim that a real friend would accept him for who he is.

Now adults give him compliments all of the time.Usually saying he looks like Bob Marley. This one guy said that whenhe was in Jamaica he didn't see kids with dreads as long as his.

This one cashier at the grocery store we shop at asked me if he likes his dreads. And I said that it was his choice and I don't think he would wear them if he didn't like them. I wasn't trying to come off as a bitch but sometimes people don't know how to communicate with children so that talk to the parent like the child is not even there.

I just want him to grow up making his own decisions and I think I am here to be a guide to him and to offer to him a positive and nurturing environment so that he has lots of love for himself so that all the negativity just bounces right off of him.

Panterra Caraway
@panterra-caraway
5 years ago
665 posts

I took a bit to reply to this because I really wanted to think about what you said Taye. My daughter had said, "I want dreads like you Mom". That was basically it. After your very thought provoking reply, I decided to talk with her just a bit more. You see, Blaze has only been home since Aprill 22nd. She was in a residential treatment facility for the last 2 years. She is Bi-Polar and had become very violent and destructive. She abused all of us...her sisters, Dad and I. We had a home filled with chaos for awhile there. We tried everything. But, in the end...we had to make a very painful choice and send her to a place where she could get the appropriate help. It was a heartbreaking thing for me to have to do. But, today...I am glad that I had the strength. I thought about what you said and I began to wonder if perhaps, her dreading was a way to bond with a mom see has missed for a long time. Anyway, we had a conversation and I asked her why she wanted to have dreads. She told me that she wanted to try something new in her life and she saw how happy they made me. A part of me wonders if dreading will be a part of her continuing recovery. I told her that I wanted her to be her own person and that I would never be angry if she wanted to stop or do something else that is "unlike" me. I also told her that she is special and that dreadlocks can be different for each person...but, that they can teach us things about ourselves. All and all, it was a good talk and I am glad your reply helped to prompt it. Thank you for being a good friend once again Taye and reminding me to always communicate and never assume. Sometimes, you need to take a closer look at what is right in front of you and see it with new eyes. Much love.


taye said:

I agree that she should know why it is important to wash and separate. I would occasionally check and separate (cause it can be difficult), but I would leave the washing up to her.

My biggest concern would be does she really hate them? Or was she just saying that in frustration? I know that she chose to dread her hair. But why did she choose it? Did she choose it because she really wants dreads or because of your love of dreads.

I took ballet lessons til i was 18. It was very important to me. I had great passion for it. When my daughters were young I signed them up. I thought they would love it as much as I did. They were very excited at first. At 3 years of age it is fun and games but as they get older, the classes became more serious. They had no love for it at all. They were taking these classes for me. They thought I would be hurt or upset with them if they wanted to quit. Children strive for our acceptance and approval. They don't want us to be disappointed in them.

So if she wants to dread because it is important to her, she will take care of them. If she is doing it for you, she may start to resent them. She may have wanted them in the beginning, but changed her mind. If she doesn't want them anymore, I would not talk her into it. Because then it becomes for you and not for her.

You are an incredible mother. Many parents won't allow their children to express themselves. You not only allow it but you encourage it! That is beautiful!!!

Panterra Caraway
@panterra-caraway
5 years ago
665 posts
Thank you so much hunie <3 I too started with Bronners andI think I will get her some as well. Blessings.

Electric Mama said:
Hey mama! I think that is awesome your daughter is dreading! So when I started mine, I used the Dr. Bronner's liquid soap ( diluted ) And it worked great. It would be very easy for her to use, It is just like washing with regular shampoo. If you decide to use that I would just show her how to use it one time. I always just put it on my roots and scrubbed really good, then put some on the rest of my dreads and squeezed. Let it on for a little bit, then rinse very very well. Show her how to separate the dreads to ring the water out. Very easy for a little one to do on their own! Good luck!
 
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