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Why did I open my Big Mouth?

April Brown
@april-brown
3 years ago
49 posts

Are your parents from Idaho then? I live in Idaho and grew up here and the mentality here is extremely conservative and most of the population is very judgmental to anything that is different from the "norm" let it slide. I don't have all that much support but then I'm not doing it for anyone else, in fact I'm doing it to get away from everyone else s expectations of me.


updated by @april-brown: 07/22/15 11:36:20AM
Bass Clef
@bass-clef
3 years ago
6 posts

I got the same exact reaction from my parents after growing my hair out for 3 years. "You have such beautiful hair!" "Dreads are going to stink!" etc. The best way to diffuse those situations is arm yourself with knowledge and bust all those misnomers people come at you with about dreads. Your life is your path to walk and no one elses. After I started my dreads, of course everyone said "Wow they look cool." " Yeah I can see how that style suits you."

Do what you want to do, be happy and enjoy the journey. If your parents look to YOU to make THEM happy instead of themselves, they are mistaken. Peace is found within. :)

Nathan D Palmer
@nathan-d-palmer
3 years ago
4 posts
My wife and I started a month ago. Her dreads were coming along much much faster then mine then one morning she bushed them all out. She said it wasn't her and I was upset but I have to accept that we are different ppl and although they looked great on her its not her trip. And I haven't even told my perents and the ppl I have told I have had to explain that you can wash 3 times a week and that wax method ruins dreads/hair not the natural method. So start your journey and it sounds like your mom will support you eventually. It could be worse you could be getting a face tattoo.lol peace
Janna
@janna
3 years ago
19 posts

My mom is, Dad grew up all over the place because his dad was in the Navy.

April Brown said:

Are your parents from Idaho then? I live in Idaho and grew up here and the mentality here is extremely conservative and most of the population is very judgmental to anything that is different from the "norm" let it slide. I don't have all that much support but then I'm not doing it for anyone else, in fact I'm doing it to get away from everyone else s expectations of me.

Janna
@janna
3 years ago
19 posts

Thanks everybody for your support :) While I was in Idaho I *almost* decided to not dread or at least wait awhile, because I spent a lot more time doing my hair than I typically did at home, and I do think I have very pretty, soft, nice normal hair lol. But as soon as I got home and fell back into my 'normal' routine of hardly ever doing my hair and looking in the mirror, it was really easy to go right into not combing and dreading.

Tomorrow marks 1 week since I stopped combing! I just put up some photos on my page if anyone wants to go take a peek :) I haven't told dad, I don't know if mom mentioned anything to him, but the subject hasn't come up again since the trip. I think if anything comes up I will probably boil it down to: I'm a grown woman, it's my head and my choice.

I do have some deeper personal reasons for dreading, but at the moment, it's because I find the natural process SO AMAZINGLY FASCINATING. lol I think it's kind of ridiculous how excited I get about tangles now hahaha.

Janna
@janna
3 years ago
19 posts

I must have missed your post because I was in Idaho (I don't think there's such a thing as good internet in rural Idaho lol.) But I like your story from work! That's great that your boss is so understanding. It's really frustrating when people make it so obvious that they are judging you and think they know how you feel/will feel about something.

My boyfriend isn't super excited about my dreads either, but I don't know if he'll refuse to touch my hair when they start really coming in :P I had a dream the other night he kept running his fingers through my hair and pulling apart all the baby sections and I had to yell at him.

brandy said:

So my hubs hates my dreads. I mean like he doesn't want to touch my hair anymore. WHATEVER I don't worry about it because I love my hair and it makes me feel sexy. My head...my hair. A coworker actually came up to me ..an older woman....and told me shed wish I wasn't doing this to mg hair and I'll regret it. Then I'll have to shave it....she asked me my reason and I told her why and that I liked it and she said and that's your excuse and just laughed and walked away. A minute later my boss sent me an email that said "don't you just love when pp tell u how to liveur life and how. Screw other ppl do what u want and what makes u you. I said thanks and that I expect it because majority of ppl are so used to having everything normal in their own perception they don't know how to accept different. My boss said yeah..ppl are so close minded sometimes. Awesome my boss supports my journey yeah? Anyways some ppl won't want to vet or reasons and our journey but whatever....free urself from all that. That's one good reason right there. Good luck with our momma baby
Kristina P
@kristina-p
3 years ago
14 posts

Im 47 years old and my mother said the exact same thing.....

Sweet,
@sweet
3 years ago
133 posts

The best thing you can do is quietly gather some really nice smart pics of people with nice neat dreadies, then her image of dreads will be different than what it obviously is now. I've seen heaps of classy dread pics. Then you can say to her, 'see how dreads can look' Explain that its not all about neglect or not shampooing your hair, you could start with partial dreads and when your around her just have the dreads tied up neat and maybe a fringe left out undreaded, thats what i have done because in my heart i know i can easily and quickly dread up my fringe later and its a way of getting used to having dreads.

I know how you feel as i have had the same problem, remember 'the soup is never as hot as when its served' meaning after her first reaction its not all that bad, exceptance does come even if it does take years like it did with my own mother, only 4 days ago she said 'oh your dreads do looks NICE' you could of knocked me over with a feather!

Sweet,
@sweet
3 years ago
133 posts

oh God this sounds so like what i've been through and now i'm 50 years old and the exceptance has still just come, i recogn its more common than we all realize, at 25 i dared not even try to have dreads because of my parents, even though i lived on the other side of the globe for a while.

Janna said:

Thanks for your reply, Olivia! At 25 I feel like I've spent too long giving in to others and not thinking about my own care and needs. I really don't want to wait anymore, it is hard enough just to wait until tuesday! lol I live away from home mostly but will be moving back just for the summer. If things get really heated I might brush them out, but I'm hoping I can educate my parents enough that they can at least accept my choice even if they don't quite understand it.

OliviaJonas Aley said:

Well...I know that it's important to some of us to want to please our parents...to make them proud of us, and happy with our choices.

When I started to become interested in dreadlocks, I never thought about actually having them for myself...in part because of what my mom would think. My parents didn't really have open minds about stuff like that However, they would usually accept my choices and still love me.

My mom passed away last June 20... the decision I made about getting dreadlocks has partly helped me to understand my own loss. Much like needing time and patience for dreadlocks to form...I need time and patience for healing as well. My journey now without my mom goes on with God's help mostly, but I also know that she is smiling because she loves me.

My apologies if this is a rambling response to your situation. Your mom will still love you for who you are. She will accept your new hairstyle, and she will still think of you as her beautiful daughter. However if you feel that it will indeed cause a rift, you may need to give a small part of yourself over and wait for your journey to begin sometime down the road.

with joy!

Eric Blaine Finley
@eric-blaine-finley
3 years ago
16 posts

once she see how beautiful you are with them she wont have much to say

 
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