Why did I open my Big Mouth?

So I haven't even started my dreads yet and I already feel awful about them!

I am starting my dreads on Tuesday, after coming back from a trip to Idaho for my grandma's 90th birthday. I'm travelling with my mom and two brothers. Mom and I are sharing a room and so tonight I mentioned to Mom that I was going to dreadlock my hair. Now, I wasn't expecting a glowing reaction, I expected a semi-dissappointed/skeptical type reaction.

Instead, I got: "WHAT? Ohh noooo Janna don't do that!?! Oh my god! Dreadlocks?!? The are so .. gross. Ugly, you have such perfect hair! Why would you want to do that?" And lots of "ughs" and sighs and even "why did you have to say that? ..ruined my vacation"

0_o ((

I felt like crying! A few minutes later she asked if I was upset with her because of her reaction. I said no but she knew I was lying :P She did apologize and tried to explain her side/thinking. She grew up really rural and so she has very kind of conservative/social conventional views about style and such. She also said I didn't really ruin her vacation. But of course, once that's said it's hard to really take it back.

I guess I just needed to vent a little bit about it and hope maybe some of you have a little advice on how to deal or handle this. Mom and I have always been really close, I think this is the first time I've ever had such a big (negative) reaction from her. I've gone from being really excited about starting a dreadlocks journey to feeling guilty about it.

updated by @janna: 02/14/15 06:26:46AM

I'm so sorry to hear that, im 16, my parents did the same. Both totally flipped out and said they'd butcher it all off if i did.it can be an upward battle. I made a powerpoint to them about dreads and maintence and everything and they seemed really impressed, you can even ask SE to write a letter to them about their concerns and everything. You can use anyone from this site to show well off and good people. Parents usually give that reaction, educate them and they might understand. You can give them all the reasons why you want them Even though it took very hard times in my life for my parents to finally understand why i wanted them, parents usually end up being okay with it or even excited about the process Good luck and happy dreading!

yeah, I'm unfortunately really bad at explaining things :P I did kind of try to explain that for me it's sort of a way to let go of the old me who cared more about others and what they thought than for herself. Mom said I sounded very 'granola' and mentioned how she knew other parents/families like that from while I was growing up and just not liking it or something. Perhaps though I shouldn't have prefaced it with "they're very 'hippy-dippy' reasons" ...

Well...I know that it's important to some of us to want to please our parents...to make them proud of us, and happy with our choices.

When I started to become interested in dreadlocks, I never thought about actually having them for myself...in part because of what my mom would think. My parents didn't really have open minds about stuff like that However, they would usually accept my choices and still love me.

My mom passed away last June 20... the decision I made about getting dreadlocks has partly helped me to understand my own loss. Much like needing time and patience for dreadlocks to form...I need time and patience for healing as well. My journey now without my mom goes on with God's help mostly, but I also know that she is smiling because she loves me.

My apologies if this is a rambling response to your situation. Your mom will still love you for who you are. She will accept your new hairstyle, and she will still think of you as her beautiful daughter. However if you feel that it will indeed cause a rift, you may need to give a small part of yourself over and wait for your journey to begin sometime down the road.

with joy!

Parents can be so mellodramatic sometimes xP haha, and i totally understand you're reasoning, it makes a whole lot of sense and i still thinks you just have to explain dreadlocks and how they're taken care of, it really helps lol, "hippy-dippy", that made me laugh xD Just sounds likes she's closed minded and needs a little help understanding dreads, which if you're on this site and have read all the information you can surely give to her

Janna said:

yeah, I'm unfortunately really bad at explaining things :P I did kind of try to explain that for me it's sort of a way to let go of the old me who cared more about others and what they thought than for herself. Mom said I sounded very 'granola' and mentioned how she knew other parents/families like that from while I was growing up and just not liking it or something. Perhaps though I shouldn't have prefaced it with "they're very 'hippy-dippy' reasons" ...

Yes, I hoping that after a little education she will be a littler more accepting at least, if not more understanding. I'm scared about telling dad, too :P I am 25 and live away from home most of the time, but around the two month mark of dreads I'm moving back with my parents for the summer. Things will be interesting...I'm sure.

Seth L. said:

Parents can be so mellodramatic sometimes xP haha, and i totally understand you're reasoning, it makes a whole lot of sense and i still thinks you just have to explain dreadlocks and how they're taken care of, it really helps lol, "hippy-dippy", that made me laugh xD Just sounds likes she's closed minded and needs a little help understanding dreads, which if you're on this site and have read all the information you can surely give to her

Thanks for your reply, Olivia! At 25 I feel like I've spent too long giving in to others and not thinking about my own care and needs. I really don't want to wait anymore, it is hard enough just to wait until tuesday! I live away from home mostly but will be moving back just for the summer. If things get really heated I might brush them out, but I'm hoping I can educate my parents enough that they can at least accept my choice even if they don't quite understand it.

OliviaJonas Aley said:

Well...I know that it's important to some of us to want to please our parents...to make them proud of us, and happy with our choices.

When I started to become interested in dreadlocks, I never thought about actually having them for myself...in part because of what my mom would think. My parents didn't really have open minds about stuff like that However, they would usually accept my choices and still love me.

My mom passed away last June 20... the decision I made about getting dreadlocks has partly helped me to understand my own loss. Much like needing time and patience for dreadlocks to form...I need time and patience for healing as well. My journey now without my mom goes on with God's help mostly, but I also know that she is smiling because she loves me.

My apologies if this is a rambling response to your situation. Your mom will still love you for who you are. She will accept your new hairstyle, and she will still think of you as her beautiful daughter. However if you feel that it will indeed cause a rift, you may need to give a small part of yourself over and wait for your journey to begin sometime down the road.

with joy!

the people who are suposed to he the most supportive in your life are usualy rthe least supportive when you want to do anything slightly diferent from what they did

if you parents made millions in oil and u made millions in the stock market they would disaprove simoly because its not the choice they made wich ofcourse is suposeto e the choice u make too

dont worry about disapointing your parents its a necarary part of becoming you

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

You shouldn't feel bad about it at all. My parents are SUPER conservative. I'm talking 1950's all American leave it to beaver ideology. My folks hate my tattoos, piercings, clothing style and dreadlocks and they cant understand why Im drawn to those types of aesthetics. They are VERY open with how much they dont like my appearance and why. I hear "you'd be such a good looking boy if you didnt' blah blah blah," but they just can't grasp how confident my dreads make me feel. (My girlfriend thinks they're sexy anyway)Thats their opinion and at first they aren't going to be thrilled about it, but in time they will learn the truth about dreads and come to accept that they are yet another method of how you express yourself. Any parent will be supportive of that.

So my hubs hates my dreads. I mean like he doesn't want to touch my hair anymore. WHATEVER I don't worry about it because I love my hair and it makes me feel sexy. My head...my hair. A coworker actually came up to me ..an older woman....and told me shed wish I wasn't doing this to mg hair and I'll regret it. Then I'll have to shave it....she asked me my reason and I told her why and that I liked it and she said and that's your excuse and just laughed and walked away. A minute later my boss sent me an email that said "don't you just love when pp tell u how to liveur life and how. Screw other ppl do what u want and what makes u you. I said thanks and that I expect it because majority of ppl are so used to having everything normal in their own perception they don't know how to accept different. My boss said yeah..ppl are so close minded sometimes. Awesome my boss supports my journey yeah? Anyways some ppl won't want to vet or reasons and our journey but whatever....free urself from all that. That's one good reason right there. Good luck with our momma baby