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Negativity towards dreadlocks

Dia
@dia
2 years ago
16 posts
Hey everyone! I hope you are all having an awesome day. So it's been a year into my journey and I still get negative comments about my hair from my family and friends. They were never supportive of my choice but I thought they would grow to accept it. To this day I still get comments about how gorgeous my loose hair was or they suggest different hair cuts or they tell me just how much better I would look without my dreadlocks. They don't really understand that the journey is not about physical appearance... And it really hurts when they say all of these things. And I tend to get really frustrated when people say I don't have REAL dreadlocks. You know what I'm talking about? Because I don't have overly maintained, boring, smooth, crochet, blunted dreadlocks, to them I don't have REAL dreads. How do you guys deal with these situations? I started this journey with the intention to keep them till the day I die but these people make me want to cut them just so they would stop bugging me!
updated by @dia: 06/10/16 02:04:39PM
☮ soaring eagle ॐ
@soaring-eagle
2 years ago
27,427 posts

just tell them they are as real as it gets and as far as family goes my mom for 15-18 years didnt have a single conversatiion that didnt mention cutting everytime i looked her way she made scissor motions with her fingers

bit then 1 day we were out xmass shopping in the mall and 6 grey haired condse4rvative old ladies swarmed around me saying they never saw anything so beautiful

from thayt day on my mom hasnt said negative word

u see they think its an embarasment they think it reflects badly on them..but when they see you get mostly positive reactions they will most likely change thier tune




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Dia
@dia
2 years ago
16 posts
Thank you so much soaring eagle. Your comment really made me feel better.

soaring eagle said:

just tell them they are as real as it gets and as far as family goes my mom for 15-18 years didnt have a single conversatiion that didnt mention cutting everytime i looked her way she made scissor motions with her fingers

bit then 1 day we were out xmass shopping in the mall and 6 grey haired condse4rvative old ladies swarmed around me saying they never saw anything so beautiful

from thayt day on my mom hasnt said negative word

u see they think its an embarasment they think it reflects badly on them..but when they see you get mostly positive reactions they will most likely change thier tune

Casey Fay
@casey-fay
2 years ago
90 posts

I know EXACTLY how you feel!!!!! My Mom made me promise if she suddenly died, I would not show up looking hideous and I would cover my disgusting hair. I asked her if it would help her die happy and she said yes, so I made the promise, my hair would be covered. Notice I refused to comb them out. I will never be able to please some people, even if I try.But my reason for letting my hair dread wasn't for them, it was for me.I am respectful of their views, just not willing to give in to them. I know this may sound silly, but I have a special bead in my hair, one that fills me with joy when I see it. On days that feel harsh to me and my dreads, I just feel that dread with the special bead, and my purpose for what I do comes back.I always feel better, refocused on my journey. Find strength and joy in your decision, it only will change you for the wiser. Namaste

Derek2
@dreadedhyena
2 years ago
37 posts

It's funny...if you look back into the past of humanity it's filled with strife and judgements of various kinds. It goes from struggling to even get food and not giving a damn what your hair looks like or what one wears...to...now...struggling to be an individual apart from the ways of the world and over coming insane weakly grounded judgements. It's a funny switch that happened several hundred years ago...or more. People ...oh. Just tell them the world would be a better place if you quit worrying about you and started reflecting into their own life. Besides...from my understanding and research...dreaded hair was once the norm amongst most cultures across the world. In those days they weren't even referred to as dreadlocks, but simply...hair. Heh, oh what a time.

I just woke up...half asleep...I go now.

Take care ya'll!

Dia
@dia
2 years ago
16 posts

You're so right. Truly words of wisdom that have touched my heart. I cannot change the way people are, or external circumstances. The only thing I can change is myself and how I react to others. And I've really tried hard to act with grace and acceptance and to not grow angry (anger and hatred are the greatest poisons) but when it comes to people you love and care about, it gets a little difficult because you expect them to accept you for who you are. But I know it's not really their fault; either by their parents, friends, social media, they have been taught to think of dreadlocks as disgusting and unkempt. And they are coming from a place of caring even if they are not effective at showing it. But you're absolutely right, and years from now this will seem like a very tiny problem :) thank you so much for taking the time to sooth my troubles.

Noodle-Doo said:

I've had the real dreadlocks one, too. It surprised me so much I didn't know what to say! Didn't understand what they meant at first - did they think it's a wig or something? lol

You can't change other people (except slowly by example), but you can change yourself. You could conform to what they want. Or you can become strong and confident enough that other people's negativity doesn't affect you. Just don't let it get inside you - leave the negativity inside them, and hope that they can become more open in the future. If you're walking around upset and raging about what they said then that's burning you up and damaging you. And it will only attract more negativity back from them. If you can learn to just let it drift past you, like being bumped by something when you're out swimming, then it's not affecting you anymore. Try not to get defensive, it seems to aggravate things. If they say your hair would look pretty some other way, try smiling, give it a loving stroke and say you like it like this. Cheerfulness and good humour seems to work the best. Oh, and try to spend time with positive people, it'll help build up your strength.
It's hardest to take criticism from the people we're closest too, but if you can find a way to cope with that without being emotionally upset by it, then you'll have become a person who can cope with almost anything :o)

Dia
@dia
2 years ago
16 posts

Oh that's not silly at all! And that is a very effective technique. I do the same thing with my japa mala bracelet. It is like a Buddhist rosary. When I feel anxious or feel myself getting angry, I gently stroke the beads and it brings balance back into my life. Thank you for your support. Namaste, my friend.

Casey Fay said:

I know EXACTLY how you feel!!!!! My Mom made me promise if she suddenly died, I would not show up looking hideous and I would cover my disgusting hair. I asked her if it would help her die happy and she said yes, so I made the promise, my hair would be covered. Notice I refused to comb them out. I will never be able to please some people, even if I try.But my reason for letting my hair dread wasn't for them, it was for me.I am respectful of their views, just not willing to give in to them. I know this may sound silly, but I have a special bead in my hair, one that fills me with joy when I see it. On days that feel harsh to me and my dreads, I just feel that dread with the special bead, and my purpose for what I do comes back.I always feel better, refocused on my journey. Find strength and joy in your decision, it only will change you for the wiser. Namaste

Dia
@dia
2 years ago
16 posts

Very true... Yes, when they tell me I appear ugly with my hair, I tell them the world is so much more than appearance or materials. We just need to add more people to the dreadlock nation so it becomes a social norm again :P Thanks Derek!

Derek said:

It's funny...if you look back into the past of humanity it's filled with strife and judgements of various kinds. It goes from struggling to even get food and not giving a damn what your hair looks like or what one wears...to...now...struggling to be an individual apart from the ways of the world and over coming insane weakly grounded judgements. It's a funny switch that happened several hundred years ago...or more. People ...oh. Just tell them the world would be a better place if you quit worrying about you and started reflecting into their own life. Besides...from my understanding and research...dreaded hair was once the norm amongst most cultures across the world. In those days they weren't even referred to as dreadlocks, but simply...hair. Heh, oh what a time.

I just woke up...half asleep...I go now.

Take care ya'll!

mikayla roman☯
@mikayla-roman
2 years ago
13 posts

LMAO. I too have gotten the "real dreadlocks" comment. All i did was yank on my dreadlocks and said gee they don't seem to be coming out so I guess they're real. Some people don't have an open mind about new transformations and honestly, if you can sit alone and be in love with your dreadlocks dont worry about other people no matter how close they are to you. They ARENT YOU. YOU ARE YOU. and in my opinion YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. DREADLOCKS ARE BEAUTIFUL. NON DREADLOCKS ARE BEAUTIFUL. EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL. some people just don't have the mental capacity to realize that yet.. They will come around, and even if they don't fuck it. Your hair, your life. YOUR JOURNEY. i hope this helps you my dear :3


updated by @mikayla-roman: 07/23/15 12:01:03AM
Dia
@dia
2 years ago
16 posts
Yeah I've also been asked if I'm "trying to do dreadlocks" and then told that they look terrible and I need to go to a salon. And that's true :) your hair loves you for not crocheting it! You have such a good attitude about the journey. Thank you so much for your encouraging words!br/>
gletser said:

I also had an incredibly difficult first two years.

I was bombarded by friends telling me about how confused I am,strangers asking me if i'm 'trying to make dreadlocks'and randompeople offering to 'fix them' for me.I also had those 'not real dreads' comments. From other(crochet) dreadheads also.The difference between me and them? Istill have my locks and I will have them for life, none of mine have broken off and I never have any problems with them whatsoever (touch wood lol)

My response was always, 'just you wait' and now, those selfsame people are telling me how awesome they are. And I can say, 'I told you so.' (Not that I do, I just smile and say 'thank you' instead :))

The journey is about patience and respect for nature's intent, and if people can not see that or if they judge you, the problem is theirs, not yours. A year from now they will all be jealous of your locks, as I have been told many times in the last two years how people wish they could be as free as I am, or as 'courageous' for growing dreadlocks.

Don't lose heart, you are doing it the right way and in the end you will be thankful and feel the power it brings.

Raspekt!

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