this is not a neglect dreads site

if it was it would be so slow and boring with very lil content

just some washing and seperating tips and some pictures

maybe some discussion of spirituality

but 90% of the content we have would not exist if this was a neglect dreads only site

this is a healthy dreads site with the emphasis on keeping dreads heakthy minimising harm

both before dreading in choosing healthier methods (to suite your needs uif a dread perm or crochet is the only way to go for u then so be it)

but we do streess the importance of making informed decisions in how u begin that means providing the best information out there

now some ppl like to make u think this is a neglect site only

they sacrifice the quality of info just to make you think we look down on you if you dont go neglect

they love to give poor info that makes you think we hate u if u dont go neglect or choose other methods they claim these methods arent as harmful as they are to make u think we are just haters on non natural methods

on maintenance these same ppl will tell u do nothing but seperate

but

if u did do other stuff they will try to make u think we look down on u..we dont however we...like them will recomend u do nothing but seperate

these people are troublemakers only they want you to believe your looked down on or not welcome if you didnt go neglect

its funny since i personaly recomend twist and rip many many times every week even every day ive helped many freinds i love alot to twist and riop never once making them feel bad for not going neglect

this site would not be as big and popular as it is if we didnt help ppl who crocheted or waxed to recover from that

we wouldnt be any good if we didnt help ppl recover from salon disasters (yea i see u back yoshi haha srry to signal u out but your a great example)

some of our oldest most suportive members (tho not as active since she lost her dreads recently and been super busy) was a dread permed dread

only about 1/2 the sites gone neglect so i really dunno how these ppl insist that your looked dowbn on if u dont go neglect

but they sure do try to make u believe it

dont fall for the negativity

we love all dreads

we just want em to be healthy as can be

now..cue the negativity cause im sure theyre gonna give quite a reaction..but have no fear theres less then 10 of em

(tho there maybe more who are sucked into believing them)

hell i wanna say thank you to all tye dreads we saved from wax both before waxing and those we helped recover

without u this site woulkd be small unknown

the same goes for crochet

i know most are glad they stopped and theres kless then 7 on site who still crochet (cant think of any who still wax)

this sites biggest value is in the help it offers to those who did not go neglect thats why it exists and has grown so much

those going neglect rarely need much help just reassurance and mostly are the ones who offer the most help

(tho most of you are very helpful too)

concidering 1/2 the members alnmost are neglect (maybe 40% i dunno) less then 1/6th of didscussions (except timelines) are neglect related

(but for some reason the suposed neglect elitism that doesnt really exist gets injected into many discussions on crochet wax backcomb anything just to make u think that your looked down ion) there are a very small number who like to imply that your looked down on if you dont go neglect

but they imply it all iver so much that its now wovwen into the fabric of the site so it seems real

(banning 3 people would erase all traces ..well maybe 5..and that myth would disapear with them)

but i woukld rather address this like an adult

out in the open

we aee not now nor will we ecer be a neglect only site that is never the intention

the only intention is to keep dreads healthy

make dreading easy

less work more fun

cheap too

less cosrt more efedctiveness

but some people will have you think thats a bad thing

i think most of you know better

the rest well

if yiou chose to feel looked down on maybe you should look at whos telling you that your looked down on

telling u wax or crochets a bad idea isnt the same as saying your ugly and your feet stink

but somehow some ppl feel that way cause certain ppl keep saying that you are not respected or treatted equaly if you did these things

i think everyone who was helped to recover was pretty thinkfull they were told the truth

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1
updated by @soaring-eagle: 02/14/15 08:19:13AM

To be honest, I do feel intimidated sometimes by how strong people come on here sometimes. I know everyone does it out of love - but I (personally) just am not asknowledgeable about dreads as some people are - that's why i'm here. But, I gotta say...I did some back combing early on...one time...and I pretty much felt like I had committed some kind of mortal sin by saying that on here.

People on here are SO passionate about dreads, and saving dreads from really harmful misinformation, and harmful practices - and it is admirable. However, it is also intimidating. I try to ignore the drama...and I'm not sure what exactly happened..or what is (still) happening...and I don't really care...life is too short and I'm far too busy to allow this kind of thing to affect me on a personal level. I'm just speaking up now.

I can't speak for anyone other than myself...but...it's not that I feel that I have in any way beendisrespected, or treated un-equally because I chose to do these things. I am glad that I was shown the damage I probably caused my hair...but because dreads are such a deeply personal and spiritual thing for most of us - when you trash talk someone's method - no matter how ill informed it may have been in the beginning...it feels like you are trashing the person. I've held back A LOT on here because I just don't want to be made to feel like i'm somehow inadequate because I used a back combing method at one point to section.

I think it's just a personal comfort thing...but when you speak ill of something that is at it's very heart and EXTENSION of the person (not just a fashion) it is difficult not to feel threatened by that. I know you are being honest, and you make your points well - sometimes it's just really blunt. There isn't anything wrong with that, but you also can't besurprisedwhen it hurts people, or when they react unpredictably to the blunt nature of the truth. You're talking about an extension of someone's soul...and human nature is to recoil and be defensive when we feel attacked. Weather that is your intention or not - it seems to be what is happening. You are speaking truth, but you can't be upset with people for how they react to it anymore than they should be angry at you for sharing...but thats just how people are.

I don't think you're trying to upset people, or have people feelunwelcomeor intimidated to join in...if that was your intention you wouldn't have made this site. It happens. People get defensive, especially when something is SO personal, and SO close to their heart. There isn't anything wrong with what you're saying...but things get personal easily when you're talking about something like dreads. None of us know you anymore than you really know us...I'm not trying to cause trouble, or start a fight...I'm just telling you what my experience is and I hope that it helps.

i certainly dont attack ppl who backcombed we have pronbly 800 who backcombed..i dont recomend it as the best methoids simpley because in so many csses it uterly fails and its not worth the danage it caused.

however

there are certain ppl here who love to make u believe your being attacked if u dont go natural they say it over and over till its true

i never look down on anyone who backcombed in facytt many dear freinds did

and so what? its just hopw they started

all i do is suggest there maybe better ways...and i only do that to ppl who have not started yet..or who are starting i suggest thet may want to try a few tnr with the backcomb and see which thrylike better

abnd evben tho i suggest tnr a thousand times a day they still claim i demonize everyone who disnt go natural

its a small number of troublemakers who are out to enforce this isdea in your heads that we only accept the natural dreads here and thats bullshit

again all i ever do is suggest there maybe a better way..thats it

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

I think it may just be how it's phrased. Instead of saying "You should consider using twist and rip. It's better because..." people say "Why aren't you using twist and rip? It's so much better." It wouldn't be a big deal face to face because of body language, but online it sounds very judgemental.

Especially, as Stephanie said, dreadlocks are very personal. So the slightest bit of perceived criticism can make a massive difference.

I don't think it's intentional.

thats the point we do say you should concider...because...

or more exactly i usualy say "maybe you should try tnr on 1 or 2 i think u will like it better because....

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

id like to echo what Charlotte said, i believe it is the interpretation of what is said is often misunderstood(major problem with all forums).

As it is quite a lifestyle changing decision it is a little dishearting to hear someone who has gone "neglect" to use terms like

i'd never torture my hair like that,

how could anyone actually do that to themselves,

they look so fake,

i'm glad i never made that stupid mistake.

Which i'm sure was not meant in a mean fashion but can really bite deep to someone copping shit from all they see and now "their own community" expresses those same/similar feelings.

I am not singling anybody out here these are all just random comments i've noticed and cringed at, only because i think they could have been said more tactfully,personally i dont give a shit what anyone says about them or i wouldnt have started them in the first place.

None of the above comments were actually directed at members here just comments made duringgeneral discussionsbut im sure some would be quite hurt by these sentiments.

Do we not learn through our mistakes,i've grown since on this site as im sure all have.I'm sure many of us have said something and thought shit that was wrong i couldve said that better when actually seeing the reaction first hand, we dont have that luxury on the net what is said is said so a little fore-thought before posting would go a long way to making all feel comfortable.

I've noticed something similar with threads talking about lifestyle choices. Anything "alternative" is talked about in a very positive way, whereas anything "mainstream" seems to be talked about in a very negative way.

Especially when talking about stereotypes and prejudice. Generally, everyone agrees that stereotyping and prejudice is wrong, but at the same time are apparently prejudiced against prejudicedpeople (if you see what I mean). I think it's difficult for people who pride themselves on something to realise when they start doing things they disapprove of. Generally, people count themselves at exceptions to the rule and better than the general population. For example, there was a study I read somewhere that said over 80% of I think it was Americans (but it would apply to most Western countries!) think they are better than average at almost everything: Intelligence, generosity etc etc.

It's probably even easier to fall into the trap when you actually are better than average than most. Just because generally you don't stereotype doesn't mean that always happen, or that you will notice when you do. Constant vigilance!

Ok... That became a tad off topic... Sorry! It's a pet hate... :S

Oh also! I think, compared to most forums that I have read through, this website is a much more welcoming place than every other I've ever read. That doesn't mean we can't all strive to be better though

I agree with everything you said here. It looks like your goal is to accept all kinds of dreads, but at the same time, to show that there are better and worse ways of doing it, and some of the ways can cause terrible disasters, and other ways of doing it can give you dreads that are lightweight and comfortable and natural feeling.

People are taught to always wash and comb their hair a certain way, and when they see dreadlocks for the first time, they wonder, 'How did you do that to your hair?' People are just ignorant - they don't know any better. And everyone is ignorant. I don't mean it's bad to be ignorant, I just mean, you can't help it when you don't know something, and nobody ever taught you. So nobody knows how to get dreadlocks unless somebody teaches them.

Then they look it up on the internet and they see all these products and waxes and they think that's the only way to do it, because that's the only thing they see in the internet results (at first glance, unless they do a bit more research). So they think that's how everybody does it, and they think that's the ONLY way to do it.

Your goal is to make a site that shows a variety of ways to do it, and some of those methods are the neglect methods, and some of them involve making the dreadlocks manually, but you are showing a variety of methods that don't involve spending a lot of money on waxy products and other products that will make your hair stiff or damage it so it falls out. You are trying to show that there's more than one way of doing it, and to bring together a lot of different people with different experiences and different knowledge.

I was really intimidated (for lack of a better word) when I first came on this site....I wasn't even sure if I should sign up, just because of seeing what I interpreted as negativity toward other methods. I backcombed and waxed my hair when I put my dreads in. Now (6 weeks or so later) I've backed away from wax some..after seeing a picture I pulled the end of one of my looser dreads apart to find the wax buildup in the middle, and I almost cried. I don't regret any of the other products or methods I've used (yet, still very new) and since the wax seems to be coming out better I feel a lot better about it...but I wouldn't recommend it to someone who doesn't want to deal with it after. Back to my original point though, like everyone seems to be saying I think people just have to watch how they phrase their advice. I love dreads, I was so excited to start, and someone telling me right afterward that waxing them basically made them worthless and that they weren't "real dreadlocks" really hurt my feelings - and I'm far from a sensitive person.

nah we were just telling you tyou should get it all out thats all..and thst they will never truly dread wich wax does prevent dreading its not an insult its helpful advice so they can dread right

the more u get iout the bestter they will be

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1