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My grandfather(73) passed suddenly on Saturday (4/5/14). This leaves my grandmother(66) alone with three dogs and two cats. She has had multiple health issues her entire life, cannot drive, and has to move around with a cane, but she falls quite frequently. Obviously, I want to do whatever I can to help her during this difficult time.
Having said that, she is a blatant racist, republican (everything is Obama's fault republican), and likes bringing up all the people she has struck as a result of irritating her. And since I am single, living at home, and not tied down by babies, I have been selected to move in with her. I say selected, because this was decided without even asking me how I felt about it. I thought I would be able to find a different solution, mainly because I have lived with her before (before my grandfather passed) and they made it painfully clear they didn't want me there.
But yesterday, while everyone was sobbing and paying their respects at the casket, she asked me if I would be moving in. I never had a choice, and in that moment I couldn't say no. I do want to help her, and I understand WHY I am the perfect (and really only) candidate to move in, but I was never consulted, and they told her before I could even make a decision.
In the midst of not knowing how to handle the passing of my grandfather's death' I'm harboring resentment towards my family. I'm 24, and single for the first time in 10 years. I wanted to start my life this summer, and instead I'll be confined in a home with a bitter old woman whom I have NOTHING in common with other than genetics. That's harsh, but I'm taking a moment to be selfish. I can either become the asshole of the family or become a caged bird. I'm mostly upset that they asked me after they confirmed it, and when I tried to find other alternatives they were shocked, and upon confronting them, they agreed they did it behind my back because there are no other options. "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!"
I've suggested the alert pendants and care-givers, but those ideas have been rejected.
So I'm asking this dready community for advice.
Exactly, there is no black or white. I don't understand why she is prejudice towards only certain groups; When my grandfather was in the army, he was sent to south Korea, and ended up adopting a girl from there. And my grandmother's best friend was Jewish. But homosexuals, Africans, and Hispanics are "bad"? I'll never understand it...
While I do think an assisted living facility would be what's BEST, I know she doesn't want that. She wants the illusion of having independence and being capable of staying in her own home. It's understandable to want that, but I hope if/when the time comes that my dad will be able to step up and say enough is enough.
We've agreed to a trial period, I'll stay with her for the summer to see how things go. I'm still very apprehensive though, I do not want the level of responsibility they're putting on me. And I take public transport to school, so once I start the fall semester I'll have to move back to be near a bus stop (closest one gets to the college too late and is quite a way from her home, which I don't wanna walk to in the middle of fall/winter).
Hopefully through the summer we'll be able to figure out a more sustainable solution.
when she makes those remarks just say "have you ever seen a white person..or a black person? theres no such thing
caucasians are more a like beige then white and africans cover a tan to brown spectrum natuive americans are not red asains are not yellow
even the darkest skinned africans are a dark chocolate color..not true black
and albinos arent true white either
maybe when she says should u be dyed black u should respond with maybe you should be dyed green with envy
hate to bring up this option but might be the best for everyone..an assisted living facility? not a nursing hime more like a retirement community butthat has assisted living like aids that help out and check in
I agree S.E., I think the idea of a caregiver doesn't seem feasible right now because my grandfather was a bit of a hoarder, and didn't take very good care of their animals/train them. Once we get the house and animals in order, the issue will be "having a stranger come in", as my mom said. My grandmother is not exactly a people person, and she'll harbor resentment towards me/the family and think we just don't want to be bothered by her. But that's not it. I want to help, I just don't want to live there.
Every time she sees me she asks if I need to be "dyed black" because of my dreads, or some racial variant like that pertaining to my dreads. I don't necessarily get offended because I wouldn't see being African American as a bad thing, but I know she MEANS it as derogatory, so it makes me sad.
On a compatibility level, we are probably the worst people to live together, but in terms of availability, I'm the best option for right now. I have been to a few caregiver sites, I'm just worried she'd drive them off with her ideals.
My family has said they would stop over frequently and if I had plans they would work around it, I just don't believe them at this point because they were so shady about the arrangement in the first place.
why were caregivers regected that wounds like just what u need (and can be paid for through medicaire/insurance)
even if u move in u should get 1 so u can go out do things live your life take trips wetc
i would just go behind thoier backs and find her a caregiver then say see there was another solution
but warning ..its hard to find a good one (unless u hire your own)
the ones that work for agencues often sick soi u may need to switch a few times till u find a good 1
well ofcourse good and sick are relative to a range u can find good enough most likely after as few that suck..but actualy good is rare
i would just investigate options on your own sinc they went behind your back u can do the same